I am Thankful ... because (Year ender Part 1)

Since I always forget to write my year end post right on time, I'm doing it 2 weeks early before we all close the curtains this year :D HAHA! We all pretty much have half a month to go before we bid 2014 GOODBYE and say our THANKS on how this year turned out for all of us. Oh well, this is my excuse for writing this early cause my brain  seems to be in the mood for some creative juices today plus I'm feeling a lil weary considering the unwanted events I encountered this past weeks! Lol!!!!

I came across this article earlier entitled "5 Ways To Be Less Bitter This Christmas" published on www.cosmo.ph under their Lifestyle/Motivation section. This article made me realize a bunch of things that transpired this year. Sure it wasn't my year but I can confidently say this year ain't that bad also. There were challenges and still there' s a lot that I'm going through right now as well. Despite of all those unwanted things, I AM STILL GRATEFUL!!!!! :D

I am THANKFUL ... because of what my experiences taught me, I now have this feeling that no matter what happens and whatever it is that will come my way, it will all get better in time!!! I have a God who's plans are better than mine. I have a God who loves me unconditionally and loves the people I love :D

I am THANKFUL ... because I am blessed with such a strong support system. I am so glad to have friends who remains by my side through the years!!! I call them my favorite people, friends I'm excited all to see whenever we're not busy with our young career life. People I get drunk with. People I can be totally crazy with and people who will never judge and will always always welcome me with open arms :D Friends who are like family to me, that's what my favorite people are to me. 10 years of friendship is not something you see everyday but I am truly grateful to have them in my life <3!

On the other hand I am also lucky to have new people in my life. New people who believes in me the way Mama does. New found family who understands me the way my favorite people do. Honestly, I am confident with the friendship I have established with my favorite people that I thought it won't be possible to get attach with a different set of people. But I was wrong, God knows I would need another group of amazing people in my life hence giving me another support group <3

And to the people I am MOST THANKFUL for, my FAMILY. My sister and I have been living away from our Mom for a year and couple of years now, respectively so every time we get to visit our family who are all based in Batangas now we make sure we spend quality time with them. My younger sister is busy with college while I am working here in Manila so we really could not afford to be there every weekend. If there's one thing distance had done for all of us probably it's the closeness we all have right now. I make it a point to call Mama to check on her, my brother, my Lolo and the rest of the family. Whenever I'm not feeling good with work or with anyone she's the first one I call. Distance made me appreciate my Mama more than ever. And I try to be as sweet as I can. HAHA!

Right now, we are having a difficult time in the household. You know how we all are different from each other and sometimes if we all forgot to respect and honor our differences we tend to forget how to be considerate and boom, next thing you knew, people at home don't join each other at the dining table. We've been through this before and I'm hoping and praying that everything will be okay again in God's perfect time!

On the other hand, my heart is just filled with gratitude for all the blessings I receive everyday. I may not have all the answer and solutions to my problems right away. I know they'll be answered and given to me in His perfect timing :D

Pasasalamat!

You were one of Dad's confidante. You've got my Mom's back during the time she needed help! You were never selfish especially with my siblings. My family felt your genuine concern for us; probably because you're the one who better understood how hard it is to go on without our main man. And you loved your brother so much that you extended your love for him to the people who matter in his life. 

I certainly don't share the warm relationship you had with my siblings and cousins but I wanted you to know how grateful I am for all of the times you rescued us. I will be forever thankful for all of the things you've done for my Mom and my siblings. Thank you for watching over them while I was away. Thank you for always seeing things in a larger picture, for trying to understand that we were brought up in a totally different setting hence the way I view some things are opposite on how you guys see it. 

I wasn't able to see you on your remaining days. I was too stubborn to pay you a visit just because I am not comfortable being in our place there. Honestly, it was never home to me. We've got a lot of history right there. Anyhow, I hope wherever you are right now, you'll get to read this. THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING!!!! THANK YOU FOR PROTECTING US THE WAY PAPA DID!!! 

Salamat. Salamat. Salamat!

Hanggang sa muli  nating paglalakbay. 

May you rest in God's eternal kingdom together with the people you love who traveled the road to His promise land long before you. Have a blast in heaven Kakang Domeng. You will be missed! Your kindness will always be remembered by the people whose lives you've touched and whose journey you've shared :) Till we meet again! Muli SALAMAT sa pagbahagi mo ng iyong buhay sa amin!!!

Trip Down Memory Lane And A Little Reality Check!

So my condo loves and I had this weird game early this morning. You know how you can easily track those photos and wall posts from ages ago in Facebook?!!!! And once you hit the "LIKE" button on your friend's photo from a couple of years back (which he/she probably wouldn't want to see) it will automatically be shown on his/her other friends' news feed. I know you get the picture. hahahha!

We were killing each other liking posts and photos which we probably forgotten or choose to forget when it suddenly made me conscious about what can be seen on my Timeline from couple of years ago. It was crazzzyyyyy!!! We were teasing each other on how we look and how silly our wall statuses were :P

After all the mess from this morning's ridiculous game, I took some time to browse again and read what I posted. I can't find the exact word to describe how I feel as I scan my own timeline. It's like I am reading from someone else's wall. It seems the girl who posted is a stranger to me now.

She was idealistic, less jaded and a firm believer that her dreams will do come true!!!! And it hit me, that girl haven't experience what its like to be out in the cold. Sure she had her fair share of rejections. She had her own battle. She had to face the unknown at some point. Yet as soon as she had her taste of what they call the "real world" everything she went through seems not enough ........

Now, as I look back, the girl knows better. Must be because she knows how it feels like to fail and to get back as soon as she can. Or maybe she realized that it will take tons of hard work before you get to where you really want to be and cliche is not just a cliche. Years had gone and she barely noticed it. She met new people, been into places she's never been to. She found herself in the middle of situations she never knew would happen to her; tried things she swore she would never try! She cried more than she did before. She became a disappointment and failed many times in the past two years. Luckily, she's still standing and very much alive. As a matter of fact, she feels more alive now than she felt back then.

She's still idealistic, her dreams basically are still the same. Some of the few things that changes are  she's tougher, wiser and stronger (at least that's what she thought she is now! hahaha!) and she's so ready for what life has in store for her. She's less afraid now if things don't go the way she think they would be. More adaptive I must say and she learn to exhaust half the letters of the alphabet when planning. PLAN A, B, C will never be enough!!! HAHA!!!

I guess she will be fine, she'll do just beyond fine, she will be bound to soar into heights!!!! Habits die hard, she is still the same girl from couple of years back, only wiser! :)

20 Facts About Me

Howdy doing my little breathing space?! Its been a while! It seems all my entries have the words "Its been a while". Well its true, I seldom write nowadays. I remember putting up my first ever blog in college and promised myself to keep on posting once I get to experience more about life and being independent. But that did not happen, cause the moment I stepped into what they call the "real world" blogging seems so impossible. Anyhow, before I get the tears on having a trip down memory lane on what transpired over the past couple of years let me join our folks in doing the #20Factsaboutme.

I came across my friend and housemate's post about their 20 Facts and since I'm about to age in 5 hours, this will also serve as my celebratory slash comeback posts! (Yeah, I'm 23!!!!!!!) Here yah go ladies and gents, THE 20 FACTS ABOUT ME!

1. I'm the eldest child in the family. And the eldest grandchild in my Mom's side so that makes me an "ate" of 13 crazy kids (including my sibs) :P
2. I lost my Dad to a cardiac arrest when I was 17.
3. I'm helping my Mom in sending my younger sister to college. She's now on her 3rd year so yeah, CHEERS to one more year.
4. I was a scholar back in the day. That's for HS and College ;)
5. I got my heart broken when I was 16ish?! Hahahahahaha!
6. I haven't been in a relationship! What do you call it, ahhhh, NBSB!
7. I smoke, sometimes! Mom doesn't know of course.
8. I do drunk texting! :P SOMETIMES!!!!!
9. I'm scared of dogs. Got chased by one when I was 8.
10. I'm scared of being in the ocean. Hence, I'm the one of the few who's always been left on the dry areas whenever my friends feel like jumping off the cliff or the boat.
11. But I love the beach and the sunset plus a bottle of beer!
12. My greatest frustration is to have a diploma from UP!
13. And if by any chance I passed my UPCAT 7 years ago, I would love to be a Journalism student. Yeah, I'm a Korina Sanchez wannabe!
14. I have been friends with my barkada whom I fondly call my "favorite people for nearly 10 years now.
15. I love Gossip Girl so much that I want to go to NYC someday and have a picture taken at Central Park and sit on the Met Steps like what Blair and Serene used to do.
16. I'm a sucker for cheesy American series and that explains the love for ONE TREE HILL!!!!!!!! :D I'm a big Lucas-Peyton fan!!!!!! <3
16. I like How I Met your Mother but not as much as I love OTH and GG! I love Ted/Robin and admire Barney for his legendaaaaaarrrrrrryyyyyy humor! And I would love to have a relationship like Marshall and Lily.
17. So yeah, I am hopeless romantic <3!
18. I'm looking forward to meet the one someday.
19. And get married to the church where I was baptized, where my parents got married and where I had my baccalaureate masses!
20. I love my life and I love the way the Lord is orchestrating it! :)

To the man I love the most :)

Its been quite a while since I last post something in here! I personally put up this blog as a venue for me to vent, post and say everything I wanna say... I'll consider this post as a comeback post =) I'll try to post as often as I could.... 

Since we're all celebrating Dad's Day today, allow me to introduce to you the man whom I share a DNA! As people who are very close to me knows, I lost my Dad when I was 17. We lost him on a unfaithful Sunday morning of 2009. Its been almost four years now since he joined our Beloved Creator in Heaven. I clearly remember how his death feared me. When I learned that my Dad surrendered his life to Him, the very first question that came right on my head, "how are we gonna live our lives now?" "how will we survive this life now without the man who serves as our strength?" It was hard........ Until today, whenever I remember my Dad, I still think of the difference it would make if fate works the other way around. What if he's still here with us? Sure, life is easier! Life would be more rewarding. But when reality hits me and as I try to look on the brighter side of losing him, I thought, maybe God wants us to learn something. God wants to shape a stronger version of me, my siblings and my mom, and with my Dad around (a man who always always ready to catch the bullet for us) we can't be a stronger version of our weak self. God wants us to be as tough as my Dad was. Dealing with the pain of my father's death was never easy. There were nights when I just cry myself to sleep uncertain if we can still get by the next morning without our man. But as always, God is good! He never let us down. He always listen to what our little hearts desires and gives more than what we deserve. It was never easy but with God's love every pain is bearable. His love and guidance made it easier to move on with life, dream again and achieve great things! :)

So before tears could cloud my eyes again, I just want to say Happy Father's Day to the man I love the most. There are a lot of words unsaid, feelings I failed to show while you are here! I know you're watching from above. Papa, I LOVE YOU! Thank you for all the values you taught me. Indeed, there's a lot to learn from you, 17 years may seem not long enough for us but I know we'll meet again. I will look forward to the day that I'll get to be with you again and when time comes for us to live our lives up there, I'm sure we'll have all the time to talk and exchange ideas. I have one thing to request from you, kindly guide me to become a better person.  Please guide me on how to be a responsible young adult. I partake in the role you left and hopefully I play my part well. We miss you everyday. I want to let you know as well that I'm really trying my very best to be responsible and I want to make you and Mama proud! ILOVEYOU PAPA! :D 

You are our pillar of strength. You're always there ready to take a bullet before it hit any of us. You are amazing!
Thank you for the wonderful 17 years I had with you, thanks for the awesome genes!
I love you! You will always be my man <3 :)

after the storm comes deep realizations .......

Okay, most people on the internet do throw back Thursday. It’s kinda different with me, let’s do throwbackwednesday instead. Well I don’t care what day of the week it is, I just want to take some time and look back to a couple of things, sort of going down memory lane.

There are a lot of things that has been going on with me over the past weeks. I have been served with problems that I have never encountered before. I know there’s no one to blame but me. All of the things that I’m feeling right now are part of the consequences of what I did. You know how they say it “There’s a price that you have to pay”. For some, what happened may seem normal, but for a girl like me, it’s TOTALLY NOT!!! I have never faced such great regret in my life, not until that “thing” happened.  I thought I knew myself well. Apparently what happened only proved one thing “I don’t know who I am anymore”. I want to take this time to look back to who I was before. What happened to the girl who’s goal oriented, career driven, and ready to face whatever it is just to reach her dreams?! What happened to the girl who always thinks of the consequences before she does anything?! What happened to me?!!

Seriously, I don’t know myself anymore! I remember it clearly, right after graduation, I have goals in mind. I want to do well in whatever industry I would be in. I was full of dreams, full of enthusiasm. I am ready to face whatever there is in the outside world. I did not apply for work right after graduation. It took me a month before I decided that it’s about time to test the waters and see how far I can go. To cut it short I land my first job in one of country’s premier BPO. It wasn’t easy; people think that being a call center agent is as easy as picking up the phone and talking to the customer who’s hundred miles away. Well, generally speaking that’s what my job is all about, what people don’t know is the job requires a lot of patience and hard work. Considering I work for the country’s best BPO, they demand too much from their employee. They set the bar high, I cannot blame them, because they just want to satisfy the clients thus a high standard was set for all the representatives working for them. I did everything just to pass every evaluation that we have. I worked hard just for me to get endorsed to the production floor. Needless to say, I don’t want to disappoint myself and my family. This is my first job and I have to do well. It wasn’t easy, there are times that I wanted to quit and accept that BPO is not for me but then again, I am with the our country’s best so I have to do everything just for me to stay. With all the luck in the world, I got endorsed to a team, met new people, gained true friends, signed my first ever regularization paper.

I would say my life had a 360 degree turn when I joined BPO. You know how the culture is in this kind of industry. Very western, there’s no age limit, as long as you know how to have fun you’re good! People are very open minded, contrary to what a typical corporate office has where everyone is prim and proper. I certainly know how to have fun, well, in my own way perhaps. But joining BPO, it took my lifestyle to a soar! I’ve tried a couple of things I haven’t done before. To put it simply, I came out of my box little by little. It isn’t bad as I think it is. I’m having so much FUN!!!!! I’ve loosen up! I learned not to take things too seriously. I feel freedom, for which I’m longing to have for years! See, I live alone, no curfews, no questions asked – just me!!! I met true friends along the way. I cannot describe how attach I am to these people. All I know is, I have learned a lot from them. And I don’t know how I will survive the last few months if not for these people. I am truly blessed to have them; other says it’s rare to find true people in this kind of industry. Lucky enough, I found them. They add spice and thrill to my grayed life! They taught me how to loosen up and have fun. Whatever maturity there is in me right now (that is if there’s one) I owe it to them. They’re not just a friend to me; they’re more like of sisters and brothers.

Recently, I had done something that I know I will regret for the rest of my life. Something that’s brought up by a very immature decision, something that could have prevented if I did not let my curiosity win over rational thinking! I have disappointed myself; I disappointed my friends, which hurts me the most. I can see how hurt they are. I can feel how bad they felt when they learned what happened. I was glad they’re the kind of people who did not judge me rather they try their best to understand and accept me still. Though they scolded me at first they have said all the things that made me feel better. I really felt how they love and care for me like their own baby sister J and I thank God for giving me such friends whom you know you can count when things get out of control. Though I know I brought too much stress in their lives during that moment, I am really thankful that they did not left me in times I needed them most. Again, thank you God for giving me awesome people in my life!

There are nights (after the incident) wherein I think deeply, I’m trying to weigh the decision that I made 6 months ago. Did I make the right decision of joining this industry? Did I lose myself somewhere along the way while I’m having fun? On the other hand, I thought, I would never experience all those things if I did not set my foot into this world I’m in right now. Cliché as it may sound, still “Experience is the best teacher”. Be it something that you will regret or treasure, still that experience will make us a better, stronger and wiser person. We just have to find the way to move on and learn from every experience.

Mistakes, regrets, false hopes, broken heart, wrecked dreams, and shattered self, all of these will heal in God’s time. In God’s perfect time I know I’ll learn to trust myself again. I know someday, I’ll handle each mistake with grace and I’ll stand up stronger than ever! I’ll have brighter days ahead - that’s what my good friend told me. What’s important is that I learned my lesson and I’ll do everything to become a better person. There’s no room for holding ourselves back whenever we did something wrong, there’s only one way and that’s MOVING FORWARD J

I’ll be better! SOON! ;)I guess I have to find myself again, it looks like the little girl is at lost, after that, I’ll have my brighter days!

One of those moments ..............................

As a kid, I always dreamed of being a journalist. My mom taught me to read pretty much before I started going to a formal school. By the time that I'm in my first year in school, I already know how to read :) I remember when I was 5 instead of playing with the other kids in the subdivision where we lived in, you can find me at our room or at the garage holding a fairy tale pocket book, reading. Yes, at 5, that's what I do. By the time I was in pre-school, my Mom handed me a Manila Bulletin and let me read it. She got tired of buying children books cause I got a lot of it already. My Mom thought its about time to step up and instead of handing me another fairy tale book, she then gave me a copy of a broadsheet! LOL!

I cannot vividly remember how and when did I realized that I wanted to be a journalist. All I know was back in grade school I have been actively participating in the school paper. Joined journalism contests several times. I don't know what with media that fascinates me, but what's clear with me, is that someday I wanna be like "Korina Sanchez", Karen Davila or even Maria Ressa :)) I even remember writing an editorial for random shits that came in my mind before. HAHAHA! By the time I entered high school, that childhood dream is still with me. I even got more active in extra curricular activities way back in High School, participated in several debate competitions, essay writing contest and hosted school events such as Prom and other parties.To sum it all, I love talking in front of the crowd. Sure I got nervous at first but after getting the hang of things, the stage, the podium and the lapel become my comfort zone! 

While my friends and classmates are undecided of what course to take in college, I'm pretty sure of what I want to do in the next four years of my student life, I am sure I want to be a journalist, I want to study Journalism at UP! Though my academic standing is not that impressive, my idealistic side say otherwise. I took the guts to take the UPCAT, though I know that passing that freaking college entrance exam is next to impossible. I still keep my hopes high. I perfectly know that considering our financial standing, my parents wouldn't be able to send me to another university other than UP. So if I really want to pursue my childhood dream then by any miracle there is, I have to pass the UPCAT! Results came in and as expected, I did not make the cut. Asa pa ko! Pero kasi yun lang talaga ang meron ako, ASA :D By that time I know I have to let go of my dream. I graduated from high school. Entered the same university for college but this time, I totally ditched my childhood dream of being a JOURNALIST! 

College had been good to me. Good, is even an understatement, I should say it had been extremely good to me! I call my college years, my golden age as a student. Though I took a completely different path compared to what I've been dreaming of since I was 7, I manage to pull off my academic standing. I studied business for four years, finished school with flying colors. 

Now that I am out in the real world, I have a lot of questions in mind. Did I make the right decision of not pirsuing what I'm really passionate about?! Why am I here?! Am I sure this is what I want to do?! I'm happy yes, I met new people, new friends and I'm learning from them as well. Its just that I have those moments where I ask myself, am I genuinely happy? What's next?! and I'm having that moment now. 

One thing is for sure as of now, my childhood dream has to wait a little longer, I got a bigger role to play as daughter and a sister. I got bigger responsibilities. Maybe in the next few years, that dream wouldn't be just a dream, little by little I'll find where I should be. And by then I will feel genuinely happy :D 

To my first love, Journalism, time to completely let go!!! Painful and frightening, but if I hold on to that dream longer, then I know I may miss something else. Thanks for the inspiration you have given me all these years, I may not have all these things now if not for the motivation I got from my childhood dream. It may sound corny, but if I'm meant to be one, by any chance fate will let me be one. Time to become an adult now, game face! The world is waiting ......... :)

Forever 21 ;)

ahhhhh!!! see how time flies!! This freaking girl right here is now a "young adult". Ready to take the next big step to her not-so-interesting life. LOL! She's now ready to completely come out of her bubble and try things she never done before.

Birthdays aren't my thing. Most people would probably get excited celebrating the day they were born, I on the other hand, thinks its sort of ridiculous. Getting a year older?! Nadah!!! I wanna stay YOUNG :D LOL! But this year, it was totally different. My 21st birthday was a blast. Maybe because this year had been extra special to me. I got a lot of "first" this year. I achieved such milestone in my life, graduating and all that. My Mom allowed me to live independently, exploring whats in there at the "outside world". So far I am enjoying the freedom I got. But I still keep in my mind that I have my responsibilities. I still have to be very careful in all actions that I make. I am now accountable for myself, whatever I do, I am responsible for what it could possibly bring.

To be honest, I wasn't really excited turning a year older. For me, birthday is just another day, the only difference is that your Twitter, Facebook and phone inbox will be full of sweet messages, your phone will probably ring a couple of times more than the usual. HAHAHA! But this year, being 21, it gave me a special feeling that I am no longer a kid. That I am actually part of the world now :) Getting a year older isn't a bad thing after all. It gave me a feeling that I am FREE! Since my birthday for this year had been a blast, lemme share with you some of the photos during my friend and I's birthday bash :))))

Cheers to LIFE! Young, Wild and Free! wohooooo :D

getting out of the box

image from web

I have never imagine myself thinking out of my bubble. If you asked my friends, they would probably tell you that I am the type of person who will always go for what is RIGHT! Right, in the eyes of almost everyone. I may be the type of person whose decisions always lies on rational thinking. Most of the time, my judgment is based on what a normal person thinks. I answer their questions with what they wanted to hear from me. I act  the way they expect me to. I am no risk taker. Though I force myself to be one, at the end of the day I will still go for the decision that will take me to “safe zone”. Precise and always SAFE, that's how I think and act for the past 19 years.

When I started my first job few weeks ago, I am aware that I am entering a totally different world. Far from the world I lived for quite some time now. I never imagine that this industry is so diverse that you'll get to meet different people. You'll get to hear different ideas and you'll get a peek on different perspectives as well. I do not welcome change that much in my entire life. Like I said, I always go for what's “normally right” for almost everyone. But being in the industry with various people that came from different background changed my way of thinking or should I say, I am now starting to welcome new ideas, beliefs and views. I actually love the idea of how I understand and see things now in a whole new perspective. I am now more confident in taking risks, trying out new things, and learning. I guess what we all need is an open mind which is quite enough for us to understand how things go around these days. What's applicable yesterday may not be applicable tomorrow. We always have to aim for change and the idea of learning. Let us also not be afraid to think out of the box or leave our comfort zone. Because if we keep on sticking on what we knew already, we will not be able to see beyond. There's always two sides of a coin. There is always a bigger picture! What we need to do is have the courage to get out of our shells, think out of the box and come out of our bubble =)

The Good Old Days .......

The New World I’m In

Most people would probably don’t understand why a degree holder and cum laude like me will consider being CALL CENTER AGENT as her first job. While most of my peers and classmates will go after the premiere banks and other large corporations as their target workplace, I, on the other hand, took the liberty of walking through the hallway of the BEST and LARGEST BPO in the Philippines.

Coming with the decision to walk on a different path wasn’t easy. Of course I have considered what other people might think of me. What will my former professors and instructors think upon learning that the “once promising kid” they have in school is now going to work as an agent?! Sure, some of them will have to raise their eyebrows while some may cast me a questioning look. During my stint as a student, I always make it a point to excel in every way that I can. I may not be the smartest kid in the block during those times but I made sure that I got to be noticed. Yes, I was a grade conscious student back then! For I know that there are so many people who expects something big from me. My parents did not bluntly pressure me to achieve big things. It’s just that I have kept in mind that it is MY responsibility to give them the best that I can. Being an achiever in school is somehow my way of giving back to them, for all the sacrifices and the hard work they managed to put up all these years just to send the three of us to school.

Now that it is actually my turn to bring food on our table and help my Mom in sending my siblings to school, I am extremely pressured to find a job that would not just fit my chosen degree but more importantly, I am keen to find a job that will provide me and my family of what we really need. I wouldn’t lie, I wouldn’t be a hypocrite, the reason why I declined the idea of working into large firms or in a bank is because I know that these corporations will not be able to compensate me that much. I need something that will help me sustain my family. We are all aware of how much a BPO compensates their agent, and that is why I entertained the idea of working for one. In case you’re a bit confused as to why I am so eager to look for a job that will give me huge amount, this is because I am going to be the bread winner for our family. My father passed away nearly three years ago, my Mom lost her job a year ago. So I guess that explains everything.

I am not complaining about the responsibility I am about to take in. I am afraid and nervous more than ever. I know nothing in the world I am about to step in. I am afraid to fail. I am afraid that I won’t do any better. This is the real world!!! Unlike in school, where I almost pull everything off, I am afraid that I won’t be able to do that once I step out into the real world. I am praying really hard for His guidance. I am hoping I can still continue to achieve great things in the new world. I am hoping I can be the daughter and the sister my family needs and can turn into in times of trouble and happiness. I am hoping only for the BEST to happen. 

For now, my own ambitions and plans have to wait a little bit longer because I have a more significant role to play. A big role actually not just a cameo! And I do hope I’ll get an award for portraying the role that is if I play it with the best of my ability :D

Nakarating ka na ba sa Friendzone?

Photo from Google

Kagabi habang naghuhugas ako ng mga plato, napukaw ang atensyon ko sa isang eksena sa bagong TV Show na Princess and I. Yung eksena kung saan nagpanggap si Kiko (Khalil Ramos) na bading para lang makakuha ng impormasyon na maari niyang gamitin laban kay Gino (Danile Padilla). Kung para saan ang impormasyon at ano ang motibo nya? Eto kwento ko sa’yo! Kung sakaling hindi ka pamilyar sa kwento ng mga bagets na toh, eto silent reader, share ko sa’yo yung plot ng kwento.

Ganito kasi yan, si Kiko at Mikay (Kathryn Bernardo) ay mag best friend! BFF since childhood. Eh kaso, itong si Kiko, nainlove kay Mikay. Tapos etong si Gino naman, umapir sa buhay ni Mikay bilang isang bad boy na mapang-asar. Since nasisira na ang image ni Mikay sa campus nila nang dahil kay Gino, umisip tuloy itong si best friend Kiko ng paraan para makaganti sila kay Bad Boy Gino. To cut the story short,nagpanggap etong si Kiko na bading just to get the information he needs. Well, nagtagumpay naman siya nalaman nyang takot pala si Gino sa palaka, kaya ayon, maigaganti na niya ang best friend niya J

So anong konek nito? Bakit ko kinwento? Simple lang, kagaya ni Kiko, nasa friend zone din kasi ako. Friend zone, yung alam mong hanggang kaibigan ka lang. Kahit na magpa sirko sirko ka sa harapan niya, walang magbabago, mamahalin at pahahalagahan ka niya bilang isang KAIBIGAN LANG :D Habang ikaw, pinagdadasal mo na sa lahat ng santo sa langit na sana eh magising na yang kaibigan mo at marealize niya na hindi ka lang pala kaibigan na pwede ka din palang ka-ibigan! :P Napakahirap mapunta sa FRIEND ZONE. Ito yung tipo ng lugar na ayaw na ayaw mo sanang puntahan, pero kahit anong detour ang gawin ang ending eh don ka din lalagpak. Yung kahit anong control mo sa feelings mo, wala kang magawa kasi at the end of the day yung puso mo kakaiba pa din ang talon kapag parating na si “Friend”.

To make the situation worst, si “Friend” eh may ibang iniirog. Tapos sayo pa nya lahat sinasabi ang feelings nya para kay “other”. Natural, close kayo diba? Normal lang na sayo nya i-share ang feelings niya. Since good listener ka, ini-aabsorb mo lang lahat ng sharings ni “friend”. Taga payo ka din kung minsan, kung ano ba ang dapat niyang gawen. Oh, may mas sasawi pa ba dyan? Heeeep! Hindi ka lang sa lovelife nya concern, isama mo na din dyan ang family problems at advice sa school stuffs na palagi nya ding sinasabi sayo at ikinokunsulta! Hahahahahahay!!! :D

Ako? Ready akong gawin lahat mawala lang ang feelings ko para kay “friend”. Pipilitin ko na bumalik sa genuine friendship lang ang hanap ko at hindi na hihigit pa don. Kung dadating man yung araw na pwede na nya suklian yung more than friends feelings ko sakanya, ready siguro akong i-take yung risk. Pero sa ngayon, ayos na ko na isa ako sa pinagkakatiwalaan nya.Na sa tuwing may bumabagabag sakanya, isa ako sa mga taong nilalapitan nya. Ibig sabihin lang non, mahalaga ang opinion ko sakanya. Siguro nga, maganda na din toh at least okay na okay kame bilang magkaibigan. Baka kasi magkalamat pa kapag ipinilit natin na dalhin sa next level diba?!

Ikaw, anong kwentong Friendzone mo??? J sabaw ba ang post na toh? Pasensya na! Sabaw ang nagsulat tsaka blog ko naman toh :P pero, aminin mo minsan ka na ding dinala ng mapaglaro mong puso sa lugar na kung tawagin ay FRIEND ZONE. Ingat ka, medyo mapanganib dyan at iilan lang ang kilala kong umuwi ng Masaya galling dyan :D 

"Mahirap bang maging Ate?!"

While we're on our way to the convenient store nights ago, my cousin asked me this "Ate Nikki, mahirap ba maging ate?" "Hindi naman" I replied to her confidently. When I was about to take a trip to dreamland, I can't help but thought deeply about the question Korene (my cousin) asked me. Mahirap nga ba maging ate?! I asked myself again. 

Mahirap nga ba?! Well, I get used to the idea that somehow I have to be responsible and giving since I am the eldest kid in the family. I am my Mom's and Dad's first born. I am my Lolo's and Lola's first grand child (maternal side). Growing up, my parents instilled in me that I have to responsible all the time. Because I am the "Ate" I have to look after my younger siblings. When we're in grade school, I am assigned to do some chores. Dish washing is my forte. I can wash tons of plates without resting. Trust me! =) At a young age, they also taught me to be generous with my siblings. Ate should always make "palamang" to her younger sibs. If there's one cookie left in the jar and my sister and I both want it, Ate should give the last cookie to the young one. My parents always remind us not be selfish, especially with each other. My Mom says that no matter what happens we should not bring each other down rather the three of us should always look for each other's welfare. 

On the other hand, being the first grandchild in my mother's side, I bear the same responsibilities. Every time the whole family is around and the yayas are out, I help out with the chores. My usual station is of course the SINK! washing all the used plates. Mind you, we have a big family so imagine the number of plates we all have to wash after each meal. HAHAHA! :P We take turns with the chores, since most of us are teenagers (ehem!!!). Aside from the chores, being the "ate", I have to be objective all the time. Their's first before mine :)

I won't be hypocrite. There are times that I hate having those responsibilities. Well, in our culture, first born should be the responsible one, the role model type and the one who always understands. My Uncle once told me to try to be objective all the time. Understanding each differences can also be tiring. 

Now, I ask myself again, mahirap nga ba maging ate?! Oo mahirap! you're expected to be good at all times. you're expected to be the one who always understand. Mahirap maging Ate! Mahirap man, fulfilling din sa pakiramdam kapag nagagampanan mo ng tama ang role mo as the eldest kid. Wala na naman akong magagawa ako ang ate, what I need to do is make sure that I can be the best example. Mahirap pero fulfilling, yun na :P

Beach, please ;)

Since its Summer and we can't stop Mr. Sun from shining so so bright, my friends set up a Summer Gateway for the whole barkada :))) I never planned to go with my peeps since we're busy arranging some stuffs because in a few weeks we're about to move back to Laguna. I'm glad I changed my mind because this summer outing is actually one of the craziest and funniest we ever had :D I so love having our gay friends around they add extra flavor to the group not to mention they provide us with the most hilarious jokes in town :D 

We stayed at a rented room and kill most of our time there at a rented "balsa". Since I'm no good in swimming, I'm one of those who literally stayed at the "balsa" the whole afternoon :P My friends who all of a sudden acquired gills, enjoyed the waters so much. I can't help but get envy as they swim into the deeps effortlessly :( Poor little Angela!!! 

Anyway, I really had a good time with mah buddies :)))) As soon as I got home the next day, I shared the funny stories we had to my Mom. Hearing the hilarious jokes from me, she can't also stop from laughing :P Thank you guys for this another memorable bonding moment. One thing is for sure, I'm growing old with these people around me. You're all AWESOME like that! I LOVE YOU GUYS :D Cheers for more years of crazy friendship!!! :D 

P.S. All photos used in this post are all taken by Juben De Leon :) 

In God's Perfect Time ......

Once again, I proved how our Dear God answers prayers and grants the things our hearts genuinely desires. Just the other night an emergency happened at our house. My Aunt's blood pressure went rapidly high causing her dizziness. My sister kept on monitoring her blood pressure but unfortunately it did not got any better. My Mom and my Aunt aren't speaking to each other for quite some time now. They always have their differences that often leads to misunderstandings. Serious misunderstandings to be precise. 

Since they're quite not speaking to each other, I did not expect my Mom to be all worried with my Aunt's health status. But as the old saying goes, "Blood is thicker than water". My Mom went down, got dressed and accompanied my Aunt to the hospital. Despite the nervousness that surrounds our house during that night, I felt extremely happy to see that no matter what happens, family will always comes first.

That night, I had this positive feeling that all is finally well again =) The "deadma" days are over!!! Cheers to that! :D I am proud of my Mom. I know that move wasn't easy for her to do. But because of the love that she had for her family and to her sisters, she managed to forget whatever differences they have just to attend to the sister that needs her. I have been praying for this reconciliation to happen. Every time I pray to God, I always include my Mom and the rest of our family. I always ask Him to grant each member of our family the understanding and forgiveness that each of us needs in order to have a more harmonious relationship. There maybe wounds that's left unhealed but I know in God's perfect time all is going to be healed. Hearts will soon be open to the idea of love and forgiveness :)

There's no perfect family. Everyone has its own flaws but with constant prayers I know love, peace and understanding will soon be present in each one of us :D For now, I'll be enjoying each precious moment with the most important people in my life, MI FAMILIA :))

I have never .......

My good fried showed me a list of the things that girls should do before she turns 21 and I haven't done half of the things written on the article. HAHA! I will be turning 21 in a few months. So instead of doing all those things, I am making a list of my own. I shall call this "Angela's I HAVE NEVER ........ list" :)) Here yah go, loyal silent readers *wink wink* :P

1. I have never been to Luneta -- Proud Pinoy, but really, I haven't been to Luneta. I have encounter the place just in books. I would always say, "Hindi pa ko ganap na Pinoy kasi hindi pa ko nakakatapak sa Luneta" But I will make sure, one day I'll pay my respect to Gat Jose Rizal. 

2. I have never ride in a plane before -- Well, I am born in a middle class family so travelling via plane isn't really our thing. Now that I am working very soon, I am planning to save money to indulge myself into few travels in the future :)) 

3. I have never touched a puppy or a dog -- Most people wouldn't understand why I hate dogs especially those who love them. But maaaaan, kahit anong cute pa nyan aso pa din yan at takot ako. *end of convo* LOL :D

4. I have never been involved into someone romantically -- Yes, dear friends I am a NBSB!!! HAHA! 

5. I have never got drunk -- I drink? Yes!! I only drink alcohol when I'm with my family and high school friends.

6. I have never been outside the country -- Well, I have been planning on saving some penny so that I can visit my dream destinations. I hope I can do that before I turn 25 or 30 ;) I'd love to see the famous Eiffel Tower. I want to experience walking the streets of Manhattan in New York and have my picture taken in front of the gates of Buckingham Palace. HAHA! Too ambitious right? Who knows I might get richer someday!! LOL

7. I have never swam into an ocean -- I cannot swim! That's it, pancit :D Seriously, whenever I go to the beach, I only swim in the area where my feet can touch the sand. I didn't know why I never learned swimming.

8. I have never tried smoking -- For one reason, I hate the smell of nicotine!!!! Though I have friends who smokes and I believe all of us are second hand smokers :P

9. I have never been kissed -- Didnt I say, I'm a NBSB?? So that's explains it :)

10. I have never been into a bar or a club -- Does comedy bar counts?? I'm no party animal but my friends and I are planning to give clubbing a try *wink wink*

That's it, pancit! HAHA! Let see if this list will go a long way or will it lessen as years go by :D 

It's Official :)

Finally, a deliberation has been made last March 27, 2012! The scholarship office just announced the names of those who are graduating with Honors and luckily, I MADE THE CUT!!! So, I can now tell the whole world that this girl right here will be receiving the fruit of her 17 years of labor in school. She will be marching her way to the stage on the 12th of April to receive her college diploma as well as her Cum Laude award :D yeeeeeeey!!! :)))))

To be honest, I was really hesitant to apply for Cum Laude at first. I thought I do not deserve such award. I was contemplating very hard whether to apply or not. I thought of my Mom who was expecting something from me. The next thing I knew I was at the registrar's office asking for a copy of my grades and on my hands was the application form. I managed to finish all the necessary papers in just a day and passed it to the office. 

I know being a Cum Laude does not stop from the day you receive the award. I know there are watchful eyes out there which are looking after every move that I make. I have a lifetime to prove to them that I deserve and I am worthy of being a Cum Laude :))) 

To all the Graduates, Congratulations and Good luck as we take the next big leap in our lives :D Thank You Lord for making all these possible, without You, all these will not happen!! Maraming, Maraming Maraming Salamat po :D 

Re-connected!

Funny how wakes and funerals bring families together in one place when in fact we have a lot of reasons to see everyone in a more happy and special occasions. Just last weekend, my Mom and I together with my siblings went to Laguna to visit my Uncle who has been suffering to colon cancer for months. Unfortunately, his condition  got worse and worse everyday. As soon as we arrived home here in Batangas last Sunday afternoon, my mom received a text message from my cousin saying that our Uncle joined our Creator :( 

We went back to Laguna last Monday to attend my Uncle's wake. Just as expected, our relatives were all there too. I have seen so many familiar faces but I barely remember their names! :p (SORRY, I suck at remembering people's name). It was supposed to be a gloomy affair for it was a wake. On the contrary, the wake served as an informal reunion for our family. I got the chance to bond with my cousins whom I haven't talk to in ages. We took advantage of the nights to exchange stories of how our lives went for the past years. We even had time for a good laugh. I'm pretty sure my Uncle is so happy to see his nephews and nieces laughing all together :) 

It may sound ironic but I do believe that wakes and funerals bring out the best in each family! I am so happy I was able to re-connect with the people I grew up with and I will try my best not be a snob anymore. HAHAHA :p It feels like I found the missing pieces in my jigsaw puzzle by re-connecting with my ates and kuyas ....

Rest in Peace Kaka Javier! :D

Thank You is an UNDERSTATEMENT!!!

Yes, I did apply for Cum Laude. Luckily my grades met the quota. Nothing's official yet, deliberation is set on Tuesday next week. Though no official announcement has been made yet, I am extremely happy with the undying love and support my family has given me all these years. My Facebook Wall has been slightly flooded with congratulatory messages from my family and relatives! :D 

Thank you Lord for giving me a very strong support system, my family. I won't be able to achieve all those things if it weren't for them. I feel so blessed for having wonderful people in my life. I owe this achievement to them. I LOVE MY FAMILY :D Thank you is even an understatement!!!

8 WonderfulYears @ BatStateU ARASOF

Since I was in grade school I have been curious of what it’s like to be in the school that is considered to be the best in our town. I always hear people say “Napakaganda ng turo dyan”  “Yung mga graduate dyan, naku magagaling”. When I was in Grade 6 and was about to enter high school, my parents had only one school in mind and that’s Batangas State University (it was still BSU at that time) popularly known in Nasugbu as “Fisheries”. So to make the story short, I passed the entrance exam along with my other classmates.  I got frustrated at first because I wasn’t able to make it to the star section during first year. It was a big blow for me during that time because I have been a consistent star section student not to mention I graduated with honors during grade school.

I clearly remember how my first day in BatStateU went. It was June 13, 2004, I was carrying a big back pack with all my notebooks and books inside (I’m not aware of using a cattleya or a sterling binder yet :P). First Year was a bit rough for me, considering the fact that I am still trying to find my place in school. I have no concrete set of friends; I was being bullied behind my back. It was really frustrating. Indeed High School is far different from Grade School. But those dark times did stop. The moment I started my Second Year in high school, things had been pretty good. I got transferred to the Star Section, I met friends who are still my friends up to this moment. Now I understand what my Mom had told me, “High School is the best four years of a person’s life”. Junior and Senior years were way better than the first two years. I had finally found my place in school. I have friends who are always by my side. I had experienced many “firsts”. BATSTATEU gave me the best High School experience!!!! :D

During our High School graduation I did not shed a single tear. I thought I’m gonna cry but I did not. What I felt is extreme sadness, knowing we’re all going to different universities. Most of my friends attended college in Manila, Dasma and other places. While Gen, Casy, Janine and I remained here in BatStateU. I did not had the its-the-first-day-of-college-I’m-nervous feeling. I knew the place pretty well so getting jitters is out of the picture. I am not excited for college. HAHA! But I guess the Lord had written a beautiful college journey for me. Opportunities came pouring in. I have discovered so many things about myself. I was able to shine in ways I have never imagined I can do. Though I have wanted to do something big, I never had the confidence to pursue those things simply because I am afraid I can’t do it. God had it all in perfect timing! My college years are the most productive years of my life. I have seen myself in a broader horizon. I did things that made my parents and my school proud. I have found happiness and fulfillment despite the busy schedule and the stress I’m getting by participating in different activities. BATSTATEU gave me the best College experience!!!! ;)

Now that I’m about to leave my Alma Mater for good, I wanted to share with you what had transpired for the past eight years I am with Batangas State University ARASOF. Whatever goodness there is in me right now, I owe it to my Alma Mater and more importantly to the people who have been with me during my journey. All the knowledge and wisdom I have right now, I have got it from the best faculty members this institution have. Thank you Mama and Papa for sending me to Batangas State University! Thank you BATSTATEU ARASOF for the wonderful eight years!!! Thank you BATSTATEU ARASOF for giving me beautiful memories to remember!!!  This place has a large space in my heart. It saddens me to leave BatStateU behind but I know I have to keep moving forward, achieve great things and use all the learning that this institution has given me. In that way, I can make my Alma Mater proud!

Some High School pics that I managed to saved :)

College Years :)