Okay, most people on the internet
do throw back Thursday. It’s kinda different with me, let’s do throwbackwednesday
instead. Well I don’t care what day of the week it is, I just want to take some
time and look back to a couple of things, sort of going down memory lane.
There are a lot of things that
has been going on with me over the past weeks. I have been served with problems
that I have never encountered before. I know there’s no one to blame but me.
All of the things that I’m feeling right now are part of the consequences of
what I did. You know how they say it “There’s a price that you have to pay”.
For some, what happened may seem normal, but for a girl like me, it’s TOTALLY
NOT!!! I have never faced such great regret in my life, not until that “thing”
happened. I thought I knew myself well.
Apparently what happened only proved one thing “I don’t know who I am anymore”.
I want to take this time to look back to who I was before. What happened to the
girl who’s goal oriented, career driven, and ready to face whatever it is just
to reach her dreams?! What happened to the girl who always thinks of the
consequences before she does anything?! What happened to me?!!
Seriously, I don’t know myself
anymore! I remember it clearly, right after graduation, I have goals in mind. I
want to do well in whatever industry I would be in. I was full of dreams, full
of enthusiasm. I am ready to face whatever there is in the outside world. I did
not apply for work right after graduation. It took me a month before I decided
that it’s about time to test the waters and see how far I can go. To cut it
short I land my first job in one of country’s premier BPO. It wasn’t easy;
people think that being a call center agent is as easy as picking up the phone
and talking to the customer who’s hundred miles away. Well, generally speaking
that’s what my job is all about, what people don’t know is the job requires a
lot of patience and hard work. Considering I work for the country’s best BPO,
they demand too much from their employee. They set the bar high, I cannot blame
them, because they just want to satisfy the clients thus a high standard was set
for all the representatives working for them. I did everything just to pass
every evaluation that we have. I worked hard just for me to get endorsed to the
production floor. Needless to say, I don’t want to disappoint myself and my
family. This is my first job and I have to do well. It wasn’t easy, there are
times that I wanted to quit and accept that BPO is not for me but then again, I
am with the our country’s best so I have to do everything just for me to stay. With
all the luck in the world, I got endorsed to a team, met new people, gained true
friends, signed my first ever regularization paper.
I would say my life had a 360
degree turn when I joined BPO. You know how the culture is in this kind of
industry. Very western, there’s no age limit, as long as you know how to have
fun you’re good! People are very open minded, contrary to what a typical
corporate office has where everyone is prim and proper. I certainly know how to
have fun, well, in my own way perhaps. But joining BPO, it took my lifestyle to
a soar! I’ve tried a couple of things I haven’t done before. To put it simply,
I came out of my box little by little. It isn’t bad as I think it is. I’m
having so much FUN!!!!! I’ve loosen up! I learned not to take things too
seriously. I feel freedom, for which I’m longing to have for years! See, I live
alone, no curfews, no questions asked – just me!!! I met true friends along the
way. I cannot describe how attach I am to these people. All I know is, I have
learned a lot from them. And I don’t know how I will survive the last few
months if not for these people. I am truly blessed to have them; other says it’s
rare to find true people in this kind of industry. Lucky enough, I found them. They
add spice and thrill to my grayed life! They taught me how to loosen up and
have fun. Whatever maturity there is in me right now (that is if there’s one) I
owe it to them. They’re not just a friend to me; they’re more like of sisters
and brothers.
Recently, I had done something
that I know I will regret for the rest of my life. Something that’s brought up
by a very immature decision, something that could have prevented if I did not
let my curiosity win over rational thinking! I have disappointed myself; I
disappointed my friends, which hurts me the most. I can see how hurt they are.
I can feel how bad they felt when they learned what happened. I was glad they’re
the kind of people who did not judge me rather they try their best to
understand and accept me still. Though they scolded me at first they have said
all the things that made me feel better. I really felt how they love and care
for me like their own baby sister J
and I thank God for giving me such friends whom you know you can count when
things get out of control. Though I know I brought too much stress in their lives
during that moment, I am really thankful that they did not left me in times I
needed them most. Again, thank you God for giving me awesome people in my life!
There are nights (after the
incident) wherein I think deeply, I’m trying to weigh the decision that I made
6 months ago. Did I make the right decision of joining this industry? Did I lose
myself somewhere along the way while I’m having fun? On the other hand, I
thought, I would never experience all those things if I did not set my foot
into this world I’m in right now. Cliché as it may sound, still “Experience is
the best teacher”. Be it something that you will regret or treasure, still that
experience will make us a better, stronger and wiser person. We just have to
find the way to move on and learn from every experience.
Mistakes, regrets, false hopes,
broken heart, wrecked dreams, and shattered self, all of these will heal in God’s
time. In God’s perfect time I know I’ll learn to trust myself again. I know
someday, I’ll handle each mistake with grace and I’ll stand up stronger than
ever! I’ll have brighter days ahead - that’s what my good friend told me. What’s
important is that I learned my lesson and I’ll do everything to become a better
person. There’s no room for holding ourselves back whenever we did something
wrong, there’s only one way and that’s MOVING FORWARD J
I’ll be better! SOON! ;)I guess I have to find myself again, it looks
like the little girl is at lost, after that, I’ll have my brighter days!
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