I am Thankful ... because (Year ender Part 1)

Since I always forget to write my year end post right on time, I'm doing it 2 weeks early before we all close the curtains this year :D HAHA! We all pretty much have half a month to go before we bid 2014 GOODBYE and say our THANKS on how this year turned out for all of us. Oh well, this is my excuse for writing this early cause my brain  seems to be in the mood for some creative juices today plus I'm feeling a lil weary considering the unwanted events I encountered this past weeks! Lol!!!!

I came across this article earlier entitled "5 Ways To Be Less Bitter This Christmas" published on www.cosmo.ph under their Lifestyle/Motivation section. This article made me realize a bunch of things that transpired this year. Sure it wasn't my year but I can confidently say this year ain't that bad also. There were challenges and still there' s a lot that I'm going through right now as well. Despite of all those unwanted things, I AM STILL GRATEFUL!!!!! :D

I am THANKFUL ... because of what my experiences taught me, I now have this feeling that no matter what happens and whatever it is that will come my way, it will all get better in time!!! I have a God who's plans are better than mine. I have a God who loves me unconditionally and loves the people I love :D

I am THANKFUL ... because I am blessed with such a strong support system. I am so glad to have friends who remains by my side through the years!!! I call them my favorite people, friends I'm excited all to see whenever we're not busy with our young career life. People I get drunk with. People I can be totally crazy with and people who will never judge and will always always welcome me with open arms :D Friends who are like family to me, that's what my favorite people are to me. 10 years of friendship is not something you see everyday but I am truly grateful to have them in my life <3!

On the other hand I am also lucky to have new people in my life. New people who believes in me the way Mama does. New found family who understands me the way my favorite people do. Honestly, I am confident with the friendship I have established with my favorite people that I thought it won't be possible to get attach with a different set of people. But I was wrong, God knows I would need another group of amazing people in my life hence giving me another support group <3

And to the people I am MOST THANKFUL for, my FAMILY. My sister and I have been living away from our Mom for a year and couple of years now, respectively so every time we get to visit our family who are all based in Batangas now we make sure we spend quality time with them. My younger sister is busy with college while I am working here in Manila so we really could not afford to be there every weekend. If there's one thing distance had done for all of us probably it's the closeness we all have right now. I make it a point to call Mama to check on her, my brother, my Lolo and the rest of the family. Whenever I'm not feeling good with work or with anyone she's the first one I call. Distance made me appreciate my Mama more than ever. And I try to be as sweet as I can. HAHA!

Right now, we are having a difficult time in the household. You know how we all are different from each other and sometimes if we all forgot to respect and honor our differences we tend to forget how to be considerate and boom, next thing you knew, people at home don't join each other at the dining table. We've been through this before and I'm hoping and praying that everything will be okay again in God's perfect time!

On the other hand, my heart is just filled with gratitude for all the blessings I receive everyday. I may not have all the answer and solutions to my problems right away. I know they'll be answered and given to me in His perfect timing :D

Pasasalamat!

You were one of Dad's confidante. You've got my Mom's back during the time she needed help! You were never selfish especially with my siblings. My family felt your genuine concern for us; probably because you're the one who better understood how hard it is to go on without our main man. And you loved your brother so much that you extended your love for him to the people who matter in his life. 

I certainly don't share the warm relationship you had with my siblings and cousins but I wanted you to know how grateful I am for all of the times you rescued us. I will be forever thankful for all of the things you've done for my Mom and my siblings. Thank you for watching over them while I was away. Thank you for always seeing things in a larger picture, for trying to understand that we were brought up in a totally different setting hence the way I view some things are opposite on how you guys see it. 

I wasn't able to see you on your remaining days. I was too stubborn to pay you a visit just because I am not comfortable being in our place there. Honestly, it was never home to me. We've got a lot of history right there. Anyhow, I hope wherever you are right now, you'll get to read this. THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING!!!! THANK YOU FOR PROTECTING US THE WAY PAPA DID!!! 

Salamat. Salamat. Salamat!

Hanggang sa muli  nating paglalakbay. 

May you rest in God's eternal kingdom together with the people you love who traveled the road to His promise land long before you. Have a blast in heaven Kakang Domeng. You will be missed! Your kindness will always be remembered by the people whose lives you've touched and whose journey you've shared :) Till we meet again! Muli SALAMAT sa pagbahagi mo ng iyong buhay sa amin!!!

Trip Down Memory Lane And A Little Reality Check!

So my condo loves and I had this weird game early this morning. You know how you can easily track those photos and wall posts from ages ago in Facebook?!!!! And once you hit the "LIKE" button on your friend's photo from a couple of years back (which he/she probably wouldn't want to see) it will automatically be shown on his/her other friends' news feed. I know you get the picture. hahahha!

We were killing each other liking posts and photos which we probably forgotten or choose to forget when it suddenly made me conscious about what can be seen on my Timeline from couple of years ago. It was crazzzyyyyy!!! We were teasing each other on how we look and how silly our wall statuses were :P

After all the mess from this morning's ridiculous game, I took some time to browse again and read what I posted. I can't find the exact word to describe how I feel as I scan my own timeline. It's like I am reading from someone else's wall. It seems the girl who posted is a stranger to me now.

She was idealistic, less jaded and a firm believer that her dreams will do come true!!!! And it hit me, that girl haven't experience what its like to be out in the cold. Sure she had her fair share of rejections. She had her own battle. She had to face the unknown at some point. Yet as soon as she had her taste of what they call the "real world" everything she went through seems not enough ........

Now, as I look back, the girl knows better. Must be because she knows how it feels like to fail and to get back as soon as she can. Or maybe she realized that it will take tons of hard work before you get to where you really want to be and cliche is not just a cliche. Years had gone and she barely noticed it. She met new people, been into places she's never been to. She found herself in the middle of situations she never knew would happen to her; tried things she swore she would never try! She cried more than she did before. She became a disappointment and failed many times in the past two years. Luckily, she's still standing and very much alive. As a matter of fact, she feels more alive now than she felt back then.

She's still idealistic, her dreams basically are still the same. Some of the few things that changes are  she's tougher, wiser and stronger (at least that's what she thought she is now! hahaha!) and she's so ready for what life has in store for her. She's less afraid now if things don't go the way she think they would be. More adaptive I must say and she learn to exhaust half the letters of the alphabet when planning. PLAN A, B, C will never be enough!!! HAHA!!!

I guess she will be fine, she'll do just beyond fine, she will be bound to soar into heights!!!! Habits die hard, she is still the same girl from couple of years back, only wiser! :)

20 Facts About Me

Howdy doing my little breathing space?! Its been a while! It seems all my entries have the words "Its been a while". Well its true, I seldom write nowadays. I remember putting up my first ever blog in college and promised myself to keep on posting once I get to experience more about life and being independent. But that did not happen, cause the moment I stepped into what they call the "real world" blogging seems so impossible. Anyhow, before I get the tears on having a trip down memory lane on what transpired over the past couple of years let me join our folks in doing the #20Factsaboutme.

I came across my friend and housemate's post about their 20 Facts and since I'm about to age in 5 hours, this will also serve as my celebratory slash comeback posts! (Yeah, I'm 23!!!!!!!) Here yah go ladies and gents, THE 20 FACTS ABOUT ME!

1. I'm the eldest child in the family. And the eldest grandchild in my Mom's side so that makes me an "ate" of 13 crazy kids (including my sibs) :P
2. I lost my Dad to a cardiac arrest when I was 17.
3. I'm helping my Mom in sending my younger sister to college. She's now on her 3rd year so yeah, CHEERS to one more year.
4. I was a scholar back in the day. That's for HS and College ;)
5. I got my heart broken when I was 16ish?! Hahahahahaha!
6. I haven't been in a relationship! What do you call it, ahhhh, NBSB!
7. I smoke, sometimes! Mom doesn't know of course.
8. I do drunk texting! :P SOMETIMES!!!!!
9. I'm scared of dogs. Got chased by one when I was 8.
10. I'm scared of being in the ocean. Hence, I'm the one of the few who's always been left on the dry areas whenever my friends feel like jumping off the cliff or the boat.
11. But I love the beach and the sunset plus a bottle of beer!
12. My greatest frustration is to have a diploma from UP!
13. And if by any chance I passed my UPCAT 7 years ago, I would love to be a Journalism student. Yeah, I'm a Korina Sanchez wannabe!
14. I have been friends with my barkada whom I fondly call my "favorite people for nearly 10 years now.
15. I love Gossip Girl so much that I want to go to NYC someday and have a picture taken at Central Park and sit on the Met Steps like what Blair and Serene used to do.
16. I'm a sucker for cheesy American series and that explains the love for ONE TREE HILL!!!!!!!! :D I'm a big Lucas-Peyton fan!!!!!! <3
16. I like How I Met your Mother but not as much as I love OTH and GG! I love Ted/Robin and admire Barney for his legendaaaaaarrrrrrryyyyyy humor! And I would love to have a relationship like Marshall and Lily.
17. So yeah, I am hopeless romantic <3!
18. I'm looking forward to meet the one someday.
19. And get married to the church where I was baptized, where my parents got married and where I had my baccalaureate masses!
20. I love my life and I love the way the Lord is orchestrating it! :)

To the man I love the most :)

Its been quite a while since I last post something in here! I personally put up this blog as a venue for me to vent, post and say everything I wanna say... I'll consider this post as a comeback post =) I'll try to post as often as I could.... 

Since we're all celebrating Dad's Day today, allow me to introduce to you the man whom I share a DNA! As people who are very close to me knows, I lost my Dad when I was 17. We lost him on a unfaithful Sunday morning of 2009. Its been almost four years now since he joined our Beloved Creator in Heaven. I clearly remember how his death feared me. When I learned that my Dad surrendered his life to Him, the very first question that came right on my head, "how are we gonna live our lives now?" "how will we survive this life now without the man who serves as our strength?" It was hard........ Until today, whenever I remember my Dad, I still think of the difference it would make if fate works the other way around. What if he's still here with us? Sure, life is easier! Life would be more rewarding. But when reality hits me and as I try to look on the brighter side of losing him, I thought, maybe God wants us to learn something. God wants to shape a stronger version of me, my siblings and my mom, and with my Dad around (a man who always always ready to catch the bullet for us) we can't be a stronger version of our weak self. God wants us to be as tough as my Dad was. Dealing with the pain of my father's death was never easy. There were nights when I just cry myself to sleep uncertain if we can still get by the next morning without our man. But as always, God is good! He never let us down. He always listen to what our little hearts desires and gives more than what we deserve. It was never easy but with God's love every pain is bearable. His love and guidance made it easier to move on with life, dream again and achieve great things! :)

So before tears could cloud my eyes again, I just want to say Happy Father's Day to the man I love the most. There are a lot of words unsaid, feelings I failed to show while you are here! I know you're watching from above. Papa, I LOVE YOU! Thank you for all the values you taught me. Indeed, there's a lot to learn from you, 17 years may seem not long enough for us but I know we'll meet again. I will look forward to the day that I'll get to be with you again and when time comes for us to live our lives up there, I'm sure we'll have all the time to talk and exchange ideas. I have one thing to request from you, kindly guide me to become a better person.  Please guide me on how to be a responsible young adult. I partake in the role you left and hopefully I play my part well. We miss you everyday. I want to let you know as well that I'm really trying my very best to be responsible and I want to make you and Mama proud! ILOVEYOU PAPA! :D 

You are our pillar of strength. You're always there ready to take a bullet before it hit any of us. You are amazing!
Thank you for the wonderful 17 years I had with you, thanks for the awesome genes!
I love you! You will always be my man <3 :)

after the storm comes deep realizations .......

Okay, most people on the internet do throw back Thursday. It’s kinda different with me, let’s do throwbackwednesday instead. Well I don’t care what day of the week it is, I just want to take some time and look back to a couple of things, sort of going down memory lane.

There are a lot of things that has been going on with me over the past weeks. I have been served with problems that I have never encountered before. I know there’s no one to blame but me. All of the things that I’m feeling right now are part of the consequences of what I did. You know how they say it “There’s a price that you have to pay”. For some, what happened may seem normal, but for a girl like me, it’s TOTALLY NOT!!! I have never faced such great regret in my life, not until that “thing” happened.  I thought I knew myself well. Apparently what happened only proved one thing “I don’t know who I am anymore”. I want to take this time to look back to who I was before. What happened to the girl who’s goal oriented, career driven, and ready to face whatever it is just to reach her dreams?! What happened to the girl who always thinks of the consequences before she does anything?! What happened to me?!!

Seriously, I don’t know myself anymore! I remember it clearly, right after graduation, I have goals in mind. I want to do well in whatever industry I would be in. I was full of dreams, full of enthusiasm. I am ready to face whatever there is in the outside world. I did not apply for work right after graduation. It took me a month before I decided that it’s about time to test the waters and see how far I can go. To cut it short I land my first job in one of country’s premier BPO. It wasn’t easy; people think that being a call center agent is as easy as picking up the phone and talking to the customer who’s hundred miles away. Well, generally speaking that’s what my job is all about, what people don’t know is the job requires a lot of patience and hard work. Considering I work for the country’s best BPO, they demand too much from their employee. They set the bar high, I cannot blame them, because they just want to satisfy the clients thus a high standard was set for all the representatives working for them. I did everything just to pass every evaluation that we have. I worked hard just for me to get endorsed to the production floor. Needless to say, I don’t want to disappoint myself and my family. This is my first job and I have to do well. It wasn’t easy, there are times that I wanted to quit and accept that BPO is not for me but then again, I am with the our country’s best so I have to do everything just for me to stay. With all the luck in the world, I got endorsed to a team, met new people, gained true friends, signed my first ever regularization paper.

I would say my life had a 360 degree turn when I joined BPO. You know how the culture is in this kind of industry. Very western, there’s no age limit, as long as you know how to have fun you’re good! People are very open minded, contrary to what a typical corporate office has where everyone is prim and proper. I certainly know how to have fun, well, in my own way perhaps. But joining BPO, it took my lifestyle to a soar! I’ve tried a couple of things I haven’t done before. To put it simply, I came out of my box little by little. It isn’t bad as I think it is. I’m having so much FUN!!!!! I’ve loosen up! I learned not to take things too seriously. I feel freedom, for which I’m longing to have for years! See, I live alone, no curfews, no questions asked – just me!!! I met true friends along the way. I cannot describe how attach I am to these people. All I know is, I have learned a lot from them. And I don’t know how I will survive the last few months if not for these people. I am truly blessed to have them; other says it’s rare to find true people in this kind of industry. Lucky enough, I found them. They add spice and thrill to my grayed life! They taught me how to loosen up and have fun. Whatever maturity there is in me right now (that is if there’s one) I owe it to them. They’re not just a friend to me; they’re more like of sisters and brothers.

Recently, I had done something that I know I will regret for the rest of my life. Something that’s brought up by a very immature decision, something that could have prevented if I did not let my curiosity win over rational thinking! I have disappointed myself; I disappointed my friends, which hurts me the most. I can see how hurt they are. I can feel how bad they felt when they learned what happened. I was glad they’re the kind of people who did not judge me rather they try their best to understand and accept me still. Though they scolded me at first they have said all the things that made me feel better. I really felt how they love and care for me like their own baby sister J and I thank God for giving me such friends whom you know you can count when things get out of control. Though I know I brought too much stress in their lives during that moment, I am really thankful that they did not left me in times I needed them most. Again, thank you God for giving me awesome people in my life!

There are nights (after the incident) wherein I think deeply, I’m trying to weigh the decision that I made 6 months ago. Did I make the right decision of joining this industry? Did I lose myself somewhere along the way while I’m having fun? On the other hand, I thought, I would never experience all those things if I did not set my foot into this world I’m in right now. Cliché as it may sound, still “Experience is the best teacher”. Be it something that you will regret or treasure, still that experience will make us a better, stronger and wiser person. We just have to find the way to move on and learn from every experience.

Mistakes, regrets, false hopes, broken heart, wrecked dreams, and shattered self, all of these will heal in God’s time. In God’s perfect time I know I’ll learn to trust myself again. I know someday, I’ll handle each mistake with grace and I’ll stand up stronger than ever! I’ll have brighter days ahead - that’s what my good friend told me. What’s important is that I learned my lesson and I’ll do everything to become a better person. There’s no room for holding ourselves back whenever we did something wrong, there’s only one way and that’s MOVING FORWARD J

I’ll be better! SOON! ;)I guess I have to find myself again, it looks like the little girl is at lost, after that, I’ll have my brighter days!

One of those moments ..............................

As a kid, I always dreamed of being a journalist. My mom taught me to read pretty much before I started going to a formal school. By the time that I'm in my first year in school, I already know how to read :) I remember when I was 5 instead of playing with the other kids in the subdivision where we lived in, you can find me at our room or at the garage holding a fairy tale pocket book, reading. Yes, at 5, that's what I do. By the time I was in pre-school, my Mom handed me a Manila Bulletin and let me read it. She got tired of buying children books cause I got a lot of it already. My Mom thought its about time to step up and instead of handing me another fairy tale book, she then gave me a copy of a broadsheet! LOL!

I cannot vividly remember how and when did I realized that I wanted to be a journalist. All I know was back in grade school I have been actively participating in the school paper. Joined journalism contests several times. I don't know what with media that fascinates me, but what's clear with me, is that someday I wanna be like "Korina Sanchez", Karen Davila or even Maria Ressa :)) I even remember writing an editorial for random shits that came in my mind before. HAHAHA! By the time I entered high school, that childhood dream is still with me. I even got more active in extra curricular activities way back in High School, participated in several debate competitions, essay writing contest and hosted school events such as Prom and other parties.To sum it all, I love talking in front of the crowd. Sure I got nervous at first but after getting the hang of things, the stage, the podium and the lapel become my comfort zone! 

While my friends and classmates are undecided of what course to take in college, I'm pretty sure of what I want to do in the next four years of my student life, I am sure I want to be a journalist, I want to study Journalism at UP! Though my academic standing is not that impressive, my idealistic side say otherwise. I took the guts to take the UPCAT, though I know that passing that freaking college entrance exam is next to impossible. I still keep my hopes high. I perfectly know that considering our financial standing, my parents wouldn't be able to send me to another university other than UP. So if I really want to pursue my childhood dream then by any miracle there is, I have to pass the UPCAT! Results came in and as expected, I did not make the cut. Asa pa ko! Pero kasi yun lang talaga ang meron ako, ASA :D By that time I know I have to let go of my dream. I graduated from high school. Entered the same university for college but this time, I totally ditched my childhood dream of being a JOURNALIST! 

College had been good to me. Good, is even an understatement, I should say it had been extremely good to me! I call my college years, my golden age as a student. Though I took a completely different path compared to what I've been dreaming of since I was 7, I manage to pull off my academic standing. I studied business for four years, finished school with flying colors. 

Now that I am out in the real world, I have a lot of questions in mind. Did I make the right decision of not pirsuing what I'm really passionate about?! Why am I here?! Am I sure this is what I want to do?! I'm happy yes, I met new people, new friends and I'm learning from them as well. Its just that I have those moments where I ask myself, am I genuinely happy? What's next?! and I'm having that moment now. 

One thing is for sure as of now, my childhood dream has to wait a little longer, I got a bigger role to play as daughter and a sister. I got bigger responsibilities. Maybe in the next few years, that dream wouldn't be just a dream, little by little I'll find where I should be. And by then I will feel genuinely happy :D 

To my first love, Journalism, time to completely let go!!! Painful and frightening, but if I hold on to that dream longer, then I know I may miss something else. Thanks for the inspiration you have given me all these years, I may not have all these things now if not for the motivation I got from my childhood dream. It may sound corny, but if I'm meant to be one, by any chance fate will let me be one. Time to become an adult now, game face! The world is waiting ......... :)