20 Facts About Me

Howdy doing my little breathing space?! Its been a while! It seems all my entries have the words "Its been a while". Well its true, I seldom write nowadays. I remember putting up my first ever blog in college and promised myself to keep on posting once I get to experience more about life and being independent. But that did not happen, cause the moment I stepped into what they call the "real world" blogging seems so impossible. Anyhow, before I get the tears on having a trip down memory lane on what transpired over the past couple of years let me join our folks in doing the #20Factsaboutme.

I came across my friend and housemate's post about their 20 Facts and since I'm about to age in 5 hours, this will also serve as my celebratory slash comeback posts! (Yeah, I'm 23!!!!!!!) Here yah go ladies and gents, THE 20 FACTS ABOUT ME!

1. I'm the eldest child in the family. And the eldest grandchild in my Mom's side so that makes me an "ate" of 13 crazy kids (including my sibs) :P
2. I lost my Dad to a cardiac arrest when I was 17.
3. I'm helping my Mom in sending my younger sister to college. She's now on her 3rd year so yeah, CHEERS to one more year.
4. I was a scholar back in the day. That's for HS and College ;)
5. I got my heart broken when I was 16ish?! Hahahahahaha!
6. I haven't been in a relationship! What do you call it, ahhhh, NBSB!
7. I smoke, sometimes! Mom doesn't know of course.
8. I do drunk texting! :P SOMETIMES!!!!!
9. I'm scared of dogs. Got chased by one when I was 8.
10. I'm scared of being in the ocean. Hence, I'm the one of the few who's always been left on the dry areas whenever my friends feel like jumping off the cliff or the boat.
11. But I love the beach and the sunset plus a bottle of beer!
12. My greatest frustration is to have a diploma from UP!
13. And if by any chance I passed my UPCAT 7 years ago, I would love to be a Journalism student. Yeah, I'm a Korina Sanchez wannabe!
14. I have been friends with my barkada whom I fondly call my "favorite people for nearly 10 years now.
15. I love Gossip Girl so much that I want to go to NYC someday and have a picture taken at Central Park and sit on the Met Steps like what Blair and Serene used to do.
16. I'm a sucker for cheesy American series and that explains the love for ONE TREE HILL!!!!!!!! :D I'm a big Lucas-Peyton fan!!!!!! <3
16. I like How I Met your Mother but not as much as I love OTH and GG! I love Ted/Robin and admire Barney for his legendaaaaaarrrrrrryyyyyy humor! And I would love to have a relationship like Marshall and Lily.
17. So yeah, I am hopeless romantic <3!
18. I'm looking forward to meet the one someday.
19. And get married to the church where I was baptized, where my parents got married and where I had my baccalaureate masses!
20. I love my life and I love the way the Lord is orchestrating it! :)

To the man I love the most :)

Its been quite a while since I last post something in here! I personally put up this blog as a venue for me to vent, post and say everything I wanna say... I'll consider this post as a comeback post =) I'll try to post as often as I could.... 

Since we're all celebrating Dad's Day today, allow me to introduce to you the man whom I share a DNA! As people who are very close to me knows, I lost my Dad when I was 17. We lost him on a unfaithful Sunday morning of 2009. Its been almost four years now since he joined our Beloved Creator in Heaven. I clearly remember how his death feared me. When I learned that my Dad surrendered his life to Him, the very first question that came right on my head, "how are we gonna live our lives now?" "how will we survive this life now without the man who serves as our strength?" It was hard........ Until today, whenever I remember my Dad, I still think of the difference it would make if fate works the other way around. What if he's still here with us? Sure, life is easier! Life would be more rewarding. But when reality hits me and as I try to look on the brighter side of losing him, I thought, maybe God wants us to learn something. God wants to shape a stronger version of me, my siblings and my mom, and with my Dad around (a man who always always ready to catch the bullet for us) we can't be a stronger version of our weak self. God wants us to be as tough as my Dad was. Dealing with the pain of my father's death was never easy. There were nights when I just cry myself to sleep uncertain if we can still get by the next morning without our man. But as always, God is good! He never let us down. He always listen to what our little hearts desires and gives more than what we deserve. It was never easy but with God's love every pain is bearable. His love and guidance made it easier to move on with life, dream again and achieve great things! :)

So before tears could cloud my eyes again, I just want to say Happy Father's Day to the man I love the most. There are a lot of words unsaid, feelings I failed to show while you are here! I know you're watching from above. Papa, I LOVE YOU! Thank you for all the values you taught me. Indeed, there's a lot to learn from you, 17 years may seem not long enough for us but I know we'll meet again. I will look forward to the day that I'll get to be with you again and when time comes for us to live our lives up there, I'm sure we'll have all the time to talk and exchange ideas. I have one thing to request from you, kindly guide me to become a better person.  Please guide me on how to be a responsible young adult. I partake in the role you left and hopefully I play my part well. We miss you everyday. I want to let you know as well that I'm really trying my very best to be responsible and I want to make you and Mama proud! ILOVEYOU PAPA! :D 

You are our pillar of strength. You're always there ready to take a bullet before it hit any of us. You are amazing!
Thank you for the wonderful 17 years I had with you, thanks for the awesome genes!
I love you! You will always be my man <3 :)

after the storm comes deep realizations .......

Okay, most people on the internet do throw back Thursday. It’s kinda different with me, let’s do throwbackwednesday instead. Well I don’t care what day of the week it is, I just want to take some time and look back to a couple of things, sort of going down memory lane.

There are a lot of things that has been going on with me over the past weeks. I have been served with problems that I have never encountered before. I know there’s no one to blame but me. All of the things that I’m feeling right now are part of the consequences of what I did. You know how they say it “There’s a price that you have to pay”. For some, what happened may seem normal, but for a girl like me, it’s TOTALLY NOT!!! I have never faced such great regret in my life, not until that “thing” happened.  I thought I knew myself well. Apparently what happened only proved one thing “I don’t know who I am anymore”. I want to take this time to look back to who I was before. What happened to the girl who’s goal oriented, career driven, and ready to face whatever it is just to reach her dreams?! What happened to the girl who always thinks of the consequences before she does anything?! What happened to me?!!

Seriously, I don’t know myself anymore! I remember it clearly, right after graduation, I have goals in mind. I want to do well in whatever industry I would be in. I was full of dreams, full of enthusiasm. I am ready to face whatever there is in the outside world. I did not apply for work right after graduation. It took me a month before I decided that it’s about time to test the waters and see how far I can go. To cut it short I land my first job in one of country’s premier BPO. It wasn’t easy; people think that being a call center agent is as easy as picking up the phone and talking to the customer who’s hundred miles away. Well, generally speaking that’s what my job is all about, what people don’t know is the job requires a lot of patience and hard work. Considering I work for the country’s best BPO, they demand too much from their employee. They set the bar high, I cannot blame them, because they just want to satisfy the clients thus a high standard was set for all the representatives working for them. I did everything just to pass every evaluation that we have. I worked hard just for me to get endorsed to the production floor. Needless to say, I don’t want to disappoint myself and my family. This is my first job and I have to do well. It wasn’t easy, there are times that I wanted to quit and accept that BPO is not for me but then again, I am with the our country’s best so I have to do everything just for me to stay. With all the luck in the world, I got endorsed to a team, met new people, gained true friends, signed my first ever regularization paper.

I would say my life had a 360 degree turn when I joined BPO. You know how the culture is in this kind of industry. Very western, there’s no age limit, as long as you know how to have fun you’re good! People are very open minded, contrary to what a typical corporate office has where everyone is prim and proper. I certainly know how to have fun, well, in my own way perhaps. But joining BPO, it took my lifestyle to a soar! I’ve tried a couple of things I haven’t done before. To put it simply, I came out of my box little by little. It isn’t bad as I think it is. I’m having so much FUN!!!!! I’ve loosen up! I learned not to take things too seriously. I feel freedom, for which I’m longing to have for years! See, I live alone, no curfews, no questions asked – just me!!! I met true friends along the way. I cannot describe how attach I am to these people. All I know is, I have learned a lot from them. And I don’t know how I will survive the last few months if not for these people. I am truly blessed to have them; other says it’s rare to find true people in this kind of industry. Lucky enough, I found them. They add spice and thrill to my grayed life! They taught me how to loosen up and have fun. Whatever maturity there is in me right now (that is if there’s one) I owe it to them. They’re not just a friend to me; they’re more like of sisters and brothers.

Recently, I had done something that I know I will regret for the rest of my life. Something that’s brought up by a very immature decision, something that could have prevented if I did not let my curiosity win over rational thinking! I have disappointed myself; I disappointed my friends, which hurts me the most. I can see how hurt they are. I can feel how bad they felt when they learned what happened. I was glad they’re the kind of people who did not judge me rather they try their best to understand and accept me still. Though they scolded me at first they have said all the things that made me feel better. I really felt how they love and care for me like their own baby sister J and I thank God for giving me such friends whom you know you can count when things get out of control. Though I know I brought too much stress in their lives during that moment, I am really thankful that they did not left me in times I needed them most. Again, thank you God for giving me awesome people in my life!

There are nights (after the incident) wherein I think deeply, I’m trying to weigh the decision that I made 6 months ago. Did I make the right decision of joining this industry? Did I lose myself somewhere along the way while I’m having fun? On the other hand, I thought, I would never experience all those things if I did not set my foot into this world I’m in right now. Cliché as it may sound, still “Experience is the best teacher”. Be it something that you will regret or treasure, still that experience will make us a better, stronger and wiser person. We just have to find the way to move on and learn from every experience.

Mistakes, regrets, false hopes, broken heart, wrecked dreams, and shattered self, all of these will heal in God’s time. In God’s perfect time I know I’ll learn to trust myself again. I know someday, I’ll handle each mistake with grace and I’ll stand up stronger than ever! I’ll have brighter days ahead - that’s what my good friend told me. What’s important is that I learned my lesson and I’ll do everything to become a better person. There’s no room for holding ourselves back whenever we did something wrong, there’s only one way and that’s MOVING FORWARD J

I’ll be better! SOON! ;)I guess I have to find myself again, it looks like the little girl is at lost, after that, I’ll have my brighter days!

One of those moments ..............................

As a kid, I always dreamed of being a journalist. My mom taught me to read pretty much before I started going to a formal school. By the time that I'm in my first year in school, I already know how to read :) I remember when I was 5 instead of playing with the other kids in the subdivision where we lived in, you can find me at our room or at the garage holding a fairy tale pocket book, reading. Yes, at 5, that's what I do. By the time I was in pre-school, my Mom handed me a Manila Bulletin and let me read it. She got tired of buying children books cause I got a lot of it already. My Mom thought its about time to step up and instead of handing me another fairy tale book, she then gave me a copy of a broadsheet! LOL!

I cannot vividly remember how and when did I realized that I wanted to be a journalist. All I know was back in grade school I have been actively participating in the school paper. Joined journalism contests several times. I don't know what with media that fascinates me, but what's clear with me, is that someday I wanna be like "Korina Sanchez", Karen Davila or even Maria Ressa :)) I even remember writing an editorial for random shits that came in my mind before. HAHAHA! By the time I entered high school, that childhood dream is still with me. I even got more active in extra curricular activities way back in High School, participated in several debate competitions, essay writing contest and hosted school events such as Prom and other parties.To sum it all, I love talking in front of the crowd. Sure I got nervous at first but after getting the hang of things, the stage, the podium and the lapel become my comfort zone! 

While my friends and classmates are undecided of what course to take in college, I'm pretty sure of what I want to do in the next four years of my student life, I am sure I want to be a journalist, I want to study Journalism at UP! Though my academic standing is not that impressive, my idealistic side say otherwise. I took the guts to take the UPCAT, though I know that passing that freaking college entrance exam is next to impossible. I still keep my hopes high. I perfectly know that considering our financial standing, my parents wouldn't be able to send me to another university other than UP. So if I really want to pursue my childhood dream then by any miracle there is, I have to pass the UPCAT! Results came in and as expected, I did not make the cut. Asa pa ko! Pero kasi yun lang talaga ang meron ako, ASA :D By that time I know I have to let go of my dream. I graduated from high school. Entered the same university for college but this time, I totally ditched my childhood dream of being a JOURNALIST! 

College had been good to me. Good, is even an understatement, I should say it had been extremely good to me! I call my college years, my golden age as a student. Though I took a completely different path compared to what I've been dreaming of since I was 7, I manage to pull off my academic standing. I studied business for four years, finished school with flying colors. 

Now that I am out in the real world, I have a lot of questions in mind. Did I make the right decision of not pirsuing what I'm really passionate about?! Why am I here?! Am I sure this is what I want to do?! I'm happy yes, I met new people, new friends and I'm learning from them as well. Its just that I have those moments where I ask myself, am I genuinely happy? What's next?! and I'm having that moment now. 

One thing is for sure as of now, my childhood dream has to wait a little longer, I got a bigger role to play as daughter and a sister. I got bigger responsibilities. Maybe in the next few years, that dream wouldn't be just a dream, little by little I'll find where I should be. And by then I will feel genuinely happy :D 

To my first love, Journalism, time to completely let go!!! Painful and frightening, but if I hold on to that dream longer, then I know I may miss something else. Thanks for the inspiration you have given me all these years, I may not have all these things now if not for the motivation I got from my childhood dream. It may sound corny, but if I'm meant to be one, by any chance fate will let me be one. Time to become an adult now, game face! The world is waiting ......... :)

Forever 21 ;)

ahhhhh!!! see how time flies!! This freaking girl right here is now a "young adult". Ready to take the next big step to her not-so-interesting life. LOL! She's now ready to completely come out of her bubble and try things she never done before.

Birthdays aren't my thing. Most people would probably get excited celebrating the day they were born, I on the other hand, thinks its sort of ridiculous. Getting a year older?! Nadah!!! I wanna stay YOUNG :D LOL! But this year, it was totally different. My 21st birthday was a blast. Maybe because this year had been extra special to me. I got a lot of "first" this year. I achieved such milestone in my life, graduating and all that. My Mom allowed me to live independently, exploring whats in there at the "outside world". So far I am enjoying the freedom I got. But I still keep in my mind that I have my responsibilities. I still have to be very careful in all actions that I make. I am now accountable for myself, whatever I do, I am responsible for what it could possibly bring.

To be honest, I wasn't really excited turning a year older. For me, birthday is just another day, the only difference is that your Twitter, Facebook and phone inbox will be full of sweet messages, your phone will probably ring a couple of times more than the usual. HAHAHA! But this year, being 21, it gave me a special feeling that I am no longer a kid. That I am actually part of the world now :) Getting a year older isn't a bad thing after all. It gave me a feeling that I am FREE! Since my birthday for this year had been a blast, lemme share with you some of the photos during my friend and I's birthday bash :))))

Cheers to LIFE! Young, Wild and Free! wohooooo :D

getting out of the box

image from web

I have never imagine myself thinking out of my bubble. If you asked my friends, they would probably tell you that I am the type of person who will always go for what is RIGHT! Right, in the eyes of almost everyone. I may be the type of person whose decisions always lies on rational thinking. Most of the time, my judgment is based on what a normal person thinks. I answer their questions with what they wanted to hear from me. I act  the way they expect me to. I am no risk taker. Though I force myself to be one, at the end of the day I will still go for the decision that will take me to “safe zone”. Precise and always SAFE, that's how I think and act for the past 19 years.

When I started my first job few weeks ago, I am aware that I am entering a totally different world. Far from the world I lived for quite some time now. I never imagine that this industry is so diverse that you'll get to meet different people. You'll get to hear different ideas and you'll get a peek on different perspectives as well. I do not welcome change that much in my entire life. Like I said, I always go for what's “normally right” for almost everyone. But being in the industry with various people that came from different background changed my way of thinking or should I say, I am now starting to welcome new ideas, beliefs and views. I actually love the idea of how I understand and see things now in a whole new perspective. I am now more confident in taking risks, trying out new things, and learning. I guess what we all need is an open mind which is quite enough for us to understand how things go around these days. What's applicable yesterday may not be applicable tomorrow. We always have to aim for change and the idea of learning. Let us also not be afraid to think out of the box or leave our comfort zone. Because if we keep on sticking on what we knew already, we will not be able to see beyond. There's always two sides of a coin. There is always a bigger picture! What we need to do is have the courage to get out of our shells, think out of the box and come out of our bubble =)

The Good Old Days .......