after the storm comes deep realizations .......

Okay, most people on the internet do throw back Thursday. It’s kinda different with me, let’s do throwbackwednesday instead. Well I don’t care what day of the week it is, I just want to take some time and look back to a couple of things, sort of going down memory lane.

There are a lot of things that has been going on with me over the past weeks. I have been served with problems that I have never encountered before. I know there’s no one to blame but me. All of the things that I’m feeling right now are part of the consequences of what I did. You know how they say it “There’s a price that you have to pay”. For some, what happened may seem normal, but for a girl like me, it’s TOTALLY NOT!!! I have never faced such great regret in my life, not until that “thing” happened.  I thought I knew myself well. Apparently what happened only proved one thing “I don’t know who I am anymore”. I want to take this time to look back to who I was before. What happened to the girl who’s goal oriented, career driven, and ready to face whatever it is just to reach her dreams?! What happened to the girl who always thinks of the consequences before she does anything?! What happened to me?!!

Seriously, I don’t know myself anymore! I remember it clearly, right after graduation, I have goals in mind. I want to do well in whatever industry I would be in. I was full of dreams, full of enthusiasm. I am ready to face whatever there is in the outside world. I did not apply for work right after graduation. It took me a month before I decided that it’s about time to test the waters and see how far I can go. To cut it short I land my first job in one of country’s premier BPO. It wasn’t easy; people think that being a call center agent is as easy as picking up the phone and talking to the customer who’s hundred miles away. Well, generally speaking that’s what my job is all about, what people don’t know is the job requires a lot of patience and hard work. Considering I work for the country’s best BPO, they demand too much from their employee. They set the bar high, I cannot blame them, because they just want to satisfy the clients thus a high standard was set for all the representatives working for them. I did everything just to pass every evaluation that we have. I worked hard just for me to get endorsed to the production floor. Needless to say, I don’t want to disappoint myself and my family. This is my first job and I have to do well. It wasn’t easy, there are times that I wanted to quit and accept that BPO is not for me but then again, I am with the our country’s best so I have to do everything just for me to stay. With all the luck in the world, I got endorsed to a team, met new people, gained true friends, signed my first ever regularization paper.

I would say my life had a 360 degree turn when I joined BPO. You know how the culture is in this kind of industry. Very western, there’s no age limit, as long as you know how to have fun you’re good! People are very open minded, contrary to what a typical corporate office has where everyone is prim and proper. I certainly know how to have fun, well, in my own way perhaps. But joining BPO, it took my lifestyle to a soar! I’ve tried a couple of things I haven’t done before. To put it simply, I came out of my box little by little. It isn’t bad as I think it is. I’m having so much FUN!!!!! I’ve loosen up! I learned not to take things too seriously. I feel freedom, for which I’m longing to have for years! See, I live alone, no curfews, no questions asked – just me!!! I met true friends along the way. I cannot describe how attach I am to these people. All I know is, I have learned a lot from them. And I don’t know how I will survive the last few months if not for these people. I am truly blessed to have them; other says it’s rare to find true people in this kind of industry. Lucky enough, I found them. They add spice and thrill to my grayed life! They taught me how to loosen up and have fun. Whatever maturity there is in me right now (that is if there’s one) I owe it to them. They’re not just a friend to me; they’re more like of sisters and brothers.

Recently, I had done something that I know I will regret for the rest of my life. Something that’s brought up by a very immature decision, something that could have prevented if I did not let my curiosity win over rational thinking! I have disappointed myself; I disappointed my friends, which hurts me the most. I can see how hurt they are. I can feel how bad they felt when they learned what happened. I was glad they’re the kind of people who did not judge me rather they try their best to understand and accept me still. Though they scolded me at first they have said all the things that made me feel better. I really felt how they love and care for me like their own baby sister J and I thank God for giving me such friends whom you know you can count when things get out of control. Though I know I brought too much stress in their lives during that moment, I am really thankful that they did not left me in times I needed them most. Again, thank you God for giving me awesome people in my life!

There are nights (after the incident) wherein I think deeply, I’m trying to weigh the decision that I made 6 months ago. Did I make the right decision of joining this industry? Did I lose myself somewhere along the way while I’m having fun? On the other hand, I thought, I would never experience all those things if I did not set my foot into this world I’m in right now. Cliché as it may sound, still “Experience is the best teacher”. Be it something that you will regret or treasure, still that experience will make us a better, stronger and wiser person. We just have to find the way to move on and learn from every experience.

Mistakes, regrets, false hopes, broken heart, wrecked dreams, and shattered self, all of these will heal in God’s time. In God’s perfect time I know I’ll learn to trust myself again. I know someday, I’ll handle each mistake with grace and I’ll stand up stronger than ever! I’ll have brighter days ahead - that’s what my good friend told me. What’s important is that I learned my lesson and I’ll do everything to become a better person. There’s no room for holding ourselves back whenever we did something wrong, there’s only one way and that’s MOVING FORWARD J

I’ll be better! SOON! ;)I guess I have to find myself again, it looks like the little girl is at lost, after that, I’ll have my brighter days!

One of those moments ..............................

As a kid, I always dreamed of being a journalist. My mom taught me to read pretty much before I started going to a formal school. By the time that I'm in my first year in school, I already know how to read :) I remember when I was 5 instead of playing with the other kids in the subdivision where we lived in, you can find me at our room or at the garage holding a fairy tale pocket book, reading. Yes, at 5, that's what I do. By the time I was in pre-school, my Mom handed me a Manila Bulletin and let me read it. She got tired of buying children books cause I got a lot of it already. My Mom thought its about time to step up and instead of handing me another fairy tale book, she then gave me a copy of a broadsheet! LOL!

I cannot vividly remember how and when did I realized that I wanted to be a journalist. All I know was back in grade school I have been actively participating in the school paper. Joined journalism contests several times. I don't know what with media that fascinates me, but what's clear with me, is that someday I wanna be like "Korina Sanchez", Karen Davila or even Maria Ressa :)) I even remember writing an editorial for random shits that came in my mind before. HAHAHA! By the time I entered high school, that childhood dream is still with me. I even got more active in extra curricular activities way back in High School, participated in several debate competitions, essay writing contest and hosted school events such as Prom and other parties.To sum it all, I love talking in front of the crowd. Sure I got nervous at first but after getting the hang of things, the stage, the podium and the lapel become my comfort zone! 

While my friends and classmates are undecided of what course to take in college, I'm pretty sure of what I want to do in the next four years of my student life, I am sure I want to be a journalist, I want to study Journalism at UP! Though my academic standing is not that impressive, my idealistic side say otherwise. I took the guts to take the UPCAT, though I know that passing that freaking college entrance exam is next to impossible. I still keep my hopes high. I perfectly know that considering our financial standing, my parents wouldn't be able to send me to another university other than UP. So if I really want to pursue my childhood dream then by any miracle there is, I have to pass the UPCAT! Results came in and as expected, I did not make the cut. Asa pa ko! Pero kasi yun lang talaga ang meron ako, ASA :D By that time I know I have to let go of my dream. I graduated from high school. Entered the same university for college but this time, I totally ditched my childhood dream of being a JOURNALIST! 

College had been good to me. Good, is even an understatement, I should say it had been extremely good to me! I call my college years, my golden age as a student. Though I took a completely different path compared to what I've been dreaming of since I was 7, I manage to pull off my academic standing. I studied business for four years, finished school with flying colors. 

Now that I am out in the real world, I have a lot of questions in mind. Did I make the right decision of not pirsuing what I'm really passionate about?! Why am I here?! Am I sure this is what I want to do?! I'm happy yes, I met new people, new friends and I'm learning from them as well. Its just that I have those moments where I ask myself, am I genuinely happy? What's next?! and I'm having that moment now. 

One thing is for sure as of now, my childhood dream has to wait a little longer, I got a bigger role to play as daughter and a sister. I got bigger responsibilities. Maybe in the next few years, that dream wouldn't be just a dream, little by little I'll find where I should be. And by then I will feel genuinely happy :D 

To my first love, Journalism, time to completely let go!!! Painful and frightening, but if I hold on to that dream longer, then I know I may miss something else. Thanks for the inspiration you have given me all these years, I may not have all these things now if not for the motivation I got from my childhood dream. It may sound corny, but if I'm meant to be one, by any chance fate will let me be one. Time to become an adult now, game face! The world is waiting ......... :)

Forever 21 ;)

ahhhhh!!! see how time flies!! This freaking girl right here is now a "young adult". Ready to take the next big step to her not-so-interesting life. LOL! She's now ready to completely come out of her bubble and try things she never done before.

Birthdays aren't my thing. Most people would probably get excited celebrating the day they were born, I on the other hand, thinks its sort of ridiculous. Getting a year older?! Nadah!!! I wanna stay YOUNG :D LOL! But this year, it was totally different. My 21st birthday was a blast. Maybe because this year had been extra special to me. I got a lot of "first" this year. I achieved such milestone in my life, graduating and all that. My Mom allowed me to live independently, exploring whats in there at the "outside world". So far I am enjoying the freedom I got. But I still keep in my mind that I have my responsibilities. I still have to be very careful in all actions that I make. I am now accountable for myself, whatever I do, I am responsible for what it could possibly bring.

To be honest, I wasn't really excited turning a year older. For me, birthday is just another day, the only difference is that your Twitter, Facebook and phone inbox will be full of sweet messages, your phone will probably ring a couple of times more than the usual. HAHAHA! But this year, being 21, it gave me a special feeling that I am no longer a kid. That I am actually part of the world now :) Getting a year older isn't a bad thing after all. It gave me a feeling that I am FREE! Since my birthday for this year had been a blast, lemme share with you some of the photos during my friend and I's birthday bash :))))

Cheers to LIFE! Young, Wild and Free! wohooooo :D

getting out of the box

image from web

I have never imagine myself thinking out of my bubble. If you asked my friends, they would probably tell you that I am the type of person who will always go for what is RIGHT! Right, in the eyes of almost everyone. I may be the type of person whose decisions always lies on rational thinking. Most of the time, my judgment is based on what a normal person thinks. I answer their questions with what they wanted to hear from me. I act  the way they expect me to. I am no risk taker. Though I force myself to be one, at the end of the day I will still go for the decision that will take me to “safe zone”. Precise and always SAFE, that's how I think and act for the past 19 years.

When I started my first job few weeks ago, I am aware that I am entering a totally different world. Far from the world I lived for quite some time now. I never imagine that this industry is so diverse that you'll get to meet different people. You'll get to hear different ideas and you'll get a peek on different perspectives as well. I do not welcome change that much in my entire life. Like I said, I always go for what's “normally right” for almost everyone. But being in the industry with various people that came from different background changed my way of thinking or should I say, I am now starting to welcome new ideas, beliefs and views. I actually love the idea of how I understand and see things now in a whole new perspective. I am now more confident in taking risks, trying out new things, and learning. I guess what we all need is an open mind which is quite enough for us to understand how things go around these days. What's applicable yesterday may not be applicable tomorrow. We always have to aim for change and the idea of learning. Let us also not be afraid to think out of the box or leave our comfort zone. Because if we keep on sticking on what we knew already, we will not be able to see beyond. There's always two sides of a coin. There is always a bigger picture! What we need to do is have the courage to get out of our shells, think out of the box and come out of our bubble =)

The Good Old Days .......

The New World I’m In

Most people would probably don’t understand why a degree holder and cum laude like me will consider being CALL CENTER AGENT as her first job. While most of my peers and classmates will go after the premiere banks and other large corporations as their target workplace, I, on the other hand, took the liberty of walking through the hallway of the BEST and LARGEST BPO in the Philippines.

Coming with the decision to walk on a different path wasn’t easy. Of course I have considered what other people might think of me. What will my former professors and instructors think upon learning that the “once promising kid” they have in school is now going to work as an agent?! Sure, some of them will have to raise their eyebrows while some may cast me a questioning look. During my stint as a student, I always make it a point to excel in every way that I can. I may not be the smartest kid in the block during those times but I made sure that I got to be noticed. Yes, I was a grade conscious student back then! For I know that there are so many people who expects something big from me. My parents did not bluntly pressure me to achieve big things. It’s just that I have kept in mind that it is MY responsibility to give them the best that I can. Being an achiever in school is somehow my way of giving back to them, for all the sacrifices and the hard work they managed to put up all these years just to send the three of us to school.

Now that it is actually my turn to bring food on our table and help my Mom in sending my siblings to school, I am extremely pressured to find a job that would not just fit my chosen degree but more importantly, I am keen to find a job that will provide me and my family of what we really need. I wouldn’t lie, I wouldn’t be a hypocrite, the reason why I declined the idea of working into large firms or in a bank is because I know that these corporations will not be able to compensate me that much. I need something that will help me sustain my family. We are all aware of how much a BPO compensates their agent, and that is why I entertained the idea of working for one. In case you’re a bit confused as to why I am so eager to look for a job that will give me huge amount, this is because I am going to be the bread winner for our family. My father passed away nearly three years ago, my Mom lost her job a year ago. So I guess that explains everything.

I am not complaining about the responsibility I am about to take in. I am afraid and nervous more than ever. I know nothing in the world I am about to step in. I am afraid to fail. I am afraid that I won’t do any better. This is the real world!!! Unlike in school, where I almost pull everything off, I am afraid that I won’t be able to do that once I step out into the real world. I am praying really hard for His guidance. I am hoping I can still continue to achieve great things in the new world. I am hoping I can be the daughter and the sister my family needs and can turn into in times of trouble and happiness. I am hoping only for the BEST to happen. 

For now, my own ambitions and plans have to wait a little bit longer because I have a more significant role to play. A big role actually not just a cameo! And I do hope I’ll get an award for portraying the role that is if I play it with the best of my ability :D

Nakarating ka na ba sa Friendzone?

Photo from Google

Kagabi habang naghuhugas ako ng mga plato, napukaw ang atensyon ko sa isang eksena sa bagong TV Show na Princess and I. Yung eksena kung saan nagpanggap si Kiko (Khalil Ramos) na bading para lang makakuha ng impormasyon na maari niyang gamitin laban kay Gino (Danile Padilla). Kung para saan ang impormasyon at ano ang motibo nya? Eto kwento ko sa’yo! Kung sakaling hindi ka pamilyar sa kwento ng mga bagets na toh, eto silent reader, share ko sa’yo yung plot ng kwento.

Ganito kasi yan, si Kiko at Mikay (Kathryn Bernardo) ay mag best friend! BFF since childhood. Eh kaso, itong si Kiko, nainlove kay Mikay. Tapos etong si Gino naman, umapir sa buhay ni Mikay bilang isang bad boy na mapang-asar. Since nasisira na ang image ni Mikay sa campus nila nang dahil kay Gino, umisip tuloy itong si best friend Kiko ng paraan para makaganti sila kay Bad Boy Gino. To cut the story short,nagpanggap etong si Kiko na bading just to get the information he needs. Well, nagtagumpay naman siya nalaman nyang takot pala si Gino sa palaka, kaya ayon, maigaganti na niya ang best friend niya J

So anong konek nito? Bakit ko kinwento? Simple lang, kagaya ni Kiko, nasa friend zone din kasi ako. Friend zone, yung alam mong hanggang kaibigan ka lang. Kahit na magpa sirko sirko ka sa harapan niya, walang magbabago, mamahalin at pahahalagahan ka niya bilang isang KAIBIGAN LANG :D Habang ikaw, pinagdadasal mo na sa lahat ng santo sa langit na sana eh magising na yang kaibigan mo at marealize niya na hindi ka lang pala kaibigan na pwede ka din palang ka-ibigan! :P Napakahirap mapunta sa FRIEND ZONE. Ito yung tipo ng lugar na ayaw na ayaw mo sanang puntahan, pero kahit anong detour ang gawin ang ending eh don ka din lalagpak. Yung kahit anong control mo sa feelings mo, wala kang magawa kasi at the end of the day yung puso mo kakaiba pa din ang talon kapag parating na si “Friend”.

To make the situation worst, si “Friend” eh may ibang iniirog. Tapos sayo pa nya lahat sinasabi ang feelings nya para kay “other”. Natural, close kayo diba? Normal lang na sayo nya i-share ang feelings niya. Since good listener ka, ini-aabsorb mo lang lahat ng sharings ni “friend”. Taga payo ka din kung minsan, kung ano ba ang dapat niyang gawen. Oh, may mas sasawi pa ba dyan? Heeeep! Hindi ka lang sa lovelife nya concern, isama mo na din dyan ang family problems at advice sa school stuffs na palagi nya ding sinasabi sayo at ikinokunsulta! Hahahahahahay!!! :D

Ako? Ready akong gawin lahat mawala lang ang feelings ko para kay “friend”. Pipilitin ko na bumalik sa genuine friendship lang ang hanap ko at hindi na hihigit pa don. Kung dadating man yung araw na pwede na nya suklian yung more than friends feelings ko sakanya, ready siguro akong i-take yung risk. Pero sa ngayon, ayos na ko na isa ako sa pinagkakatiwalaan nya.Na sa tuwing may bumabagabag sakanya, isa ako sa mga taong nilalapitan nya. Ibig sabihin lang non, mahalaga ang opinion ko sakanya. Siguro nga, maganda na din toh at least okay na okay kame bilang magkaibigan. Baka kasi magkalamat pa kapag ipinilit natin na dalhin sa next level diba?!

Ikaw, anong kwentong Friendzone mo??? J sabaw ba ang post na toh? Pasensya na! Sabaw ang nagsulat tsaka blog ko naman toh :P pero, aminin mo minsan ka na ding dinala ng mapaglaro mong puso sa lugar na kung tawagin ay FRIEND ZONE. Ingat ka, medyo mapanganib dyan at iilan lang ang kilala kong umuwi ng Masaya galling dyan :D