One of those moments ..............................

As a kid, I always dreamed of being a journalist. My mom taught me to read pretty much before I started going to a formal school. By the time that I'm in my first year in school, I already know how to read :) I remember when I was 5 instead of playing with the other kids in the subdivision where we lived in, you can find me at our room or at the garage holding a fairy tale pocket book, reading. Yes, at 5, that's what I do. By the time I was in pre-school, my Mom handed me a Manila Bulletin and let me read it. She got tired of buying children books cause I got a lot of it already. My Mom thought its about time to step up and instead of handing me another fairy tale book, she then gave me a copy of a broadsheet! LOL!

I cannot vividly remember how and when did I realized that I wanted to be a journalist. All I know was back in grade school I have been actively participating in the school paper. Joined journalism contests several times. I don't know what with media that fascinates me, but what's clear with me, is that someday I wanna be like "Korina Sanchez", Karen Davila or even Maria Ressa :)) I even remember writing an editorial for random shits that came in my mind before. HAHAHA! By the time I entered high school, that childhood dream is still with me. I even got more active in extra curricular activities way back in High School, participated in several debate competitions, essay writing contest and hosted school events such as Prom and other parties.To sum it all, I love talking in front of the crowd. Sure I got nervous at first but after getting the hang of things, the stage, the podium and the lapel become my comfort zone! 

While my friends and classmates are undecided of what course to take in college, I'm pretty sure of what I want to do in the next four years of my student life, I am sure I want to be a journalist, I want to study Journalism at UP! Though my academic standing is not that impressive, my idealistic side say otherwise. I took the guts to take the UPCAT, though I know that passing that freaking college entrance exam is next to impossible. I still keep my hopes high. I perfectly know that considering our financial standing, my parents wouldn't be able to send me to another university other than UP. So if I really want to pursue my childhood dream then by any miracle there is, I have to pass the UPCAT! Results came in and as expected, I did not make the cut. Asa pa ko! Pero kasi yun lang talaga ang meron ako, ASA :D By that time I know I have to let go of my dream. I graduated from high school. Entered the same university for college but this time, I totally ditched my childhood dream of being a JOURNALIST! 

College had been good to me. Good, is even an understatement, I should say it had been extremely good to me! I call my college years, my golden age as a student. Though I took a completely different path compared to what I've been dreaming of since I was 7, I manage to pull off my academic standing. I studied business for four years, finished school with flying colors. 

Now that I am out in the real world, I have a lot of questions in mind. Did I make the right decision of not pirsuing what I'm really passionate about?! Why am I here?! Am I sure this is what I want to do?! I'm happy yes, I met new people, new friends and I'm learning from them as well. Its just that I have those moments where I ask myself, am I genuinely happy? What's next?! and I'm having that moment now. 

One thing is for sure as of now, my childhood dream has to wait a little longer, I got a bigger role to play as daughter and a sister. I got bigger responsibilities. Maybe in the next few years, that dream wouldn't be just a dream, little by little I'll find where I should be. And by then I will feel genuinely happy :D 

To my first love, Journalism, time to completely let go!!! Painful and frightening, but if I hold on to that dream longer, then I know I may miss something else. Thanks for the inspiration you have given me all these years, I may not have all these things now if not for the motivation I got from my childhood dream. It may sound corny, but if I'm meant to be one, by any chance fate will let me be one. Time to become an adult now, game face! The world is waiting ......... :)

Forever 21 ;)

ahhhhh!!! see how time flies!! This freaking girl right here is now a "young adult". Ready to take the next big step to her not-so-interesting life. LOL! She's now ready to completely come out of her bubble and try things she never done before.

Birthdays aren't my thing. Most people would probably get excited celebrating the day they were born, I on the other hand, thinks its sort of ridiculous. Getting a year older?! Nadah!!! I wanna stay YOUNG :D LOL! But this year, it was totally different. My 21st birthday was a blast. Maybe because this year had been extra special to me. I got a lot of "first" this year. I achieved such milestone in my life, graduating and all that. My Mom allowed me to live independently, exploring whats in there at the "outside world". So far I am enjoying the freedom I got. But I still keep in my mind that I have my responsibilities. I still have to be very careful in all actions that I make. I am now accountable for myself, whatever I do, I am responsible for what it could possibly bring.

To be honest, I wasn't really excited turning a year older. For me, birthday is just another day, the only difference is that your Twitter, Facebook and phone inbox will be full of sweet messages, your phone will probably ring a couple of times more than the usual. HAHAHA! But this year, being 21, it gave me a special feeling that I am no longer a kid. That I am actually part of the world now :) Getting a year older isn't a bad thing after all. It gave me a feeling that I am FREE! Since my birthday for this year had been a blast, lemme share with you some of the photos during my friend and I's birthday bash :))))

Cheers to LIFE! Young, Wild and Free! wohooooo :D

getting out of the box

image from web

I have never imagine myself thinking out of my bubble. If you asked my friends, they would probably tell you that I am the type of person who will always go for what is RIGHT! Right, in the eyes of almost everyone. I may be the type of person whose decisions always lies on rational thinking. Most of the time, my judgment is based on what a normal person thinks. I answer their questions with what they wanted to hear from me. I act  the way they expect me to. I am no risk taker. Though I force myself to be one, at the end of the day I will still go for the decision that will take me to “safe zone”. Precise and always SAFE, that's how I think and act for the past 19 years.

When I started my first job few weeks ago, I am aware that I am entering a totally different world. Far from the world I lived for quite some time now. I never imagine that this industry is so diverse that you'll get to meet different people. You'll get to hear different ideas and you'll get a peek on different perspectives as well. I do not welcome change that much in my entire life. Like I said, I always go for what's “normally right” for almost everyone. But being in the industry with various people that came from different background changed my way of thinking or should I say, I am now starting to welcome new ideas, beliefs and views. I actually love the idea of how I understand and see things now in a whole new perspective. I am now more confident in taking risks, trying out new things, and learning. I guess what we all need is an open mind which is quite enough for us to understand how things go around these days. What's applicable yesterday may not be applicable tomorrow. We always have to aim for change and the idea of learning. Let us also not be afraid to think out of the box or leave our comfort zone. Because if we keep on sticking on what we knew already, we will not be able to see beyond. There's always two sides of a coin. There is always a bigger picture! What we need to do is have the courage to get out of our shells, think out of the box and come out of our bubble =)

The Good Old Days .......

The New World I’m In

Most people would probably don’t understand why a degree holder and cum laude like me will consider being CALL CENTER AGENT as her first job. While most of my peers and classmates will go after the premiere banks and other large corporations as their target workplace, I, on the other hand, took the liberty of walking through the hallway of the BEST and LARGEST BPO in the Philippines.

Coming with the decision to walk on a different path wasn’t easy. Of course I have considered what other people might think of me. What will my former professors and instructors think upon learning that the “once promising kid” they have in school is now going to work as an agent?! Sure, some of them will have to raise their eyebrows while some may cast me a questioning look. During my stint as a student, I always make it a point to excel in every way that I can. I may not be the smartest kid in the block during those times but I made sure that I got to be noticed. Yes, I was a grade conscious student back then! For I know that there are so many people who expects something big from me. My parents did not bluntly pressure me to achieve big things. It’s just that I have kept in mind that it is MY responsibility to give them the best that I can. Being an achiever in school is somehow my way of giving back to them, for all the sacrifices and the hard work they managed to put up all these years just to send the three of us to school.

Now that it is actually my turn to bring food on our table and help my Mom in sending my siblings to school, I am extremely pressured to find a job that would not just fit my chosen degree but more importantly, I am keen to find a job that will provide me and my family of what we really need. I wouldn’t lie, I wouldn’t be a hypocrite, the reason why I declined the idea of working into large firms or in a bank is because I know that these corporations will not be able to compensate me that much. I need something that will help me sustain my family. We are all aware of how much a BPO compensates their agent, and that is why I entertained the idea of working for one. In case you’re a bit confused as to why I am so eager to look for a job that will give me huge amount, this is because I am going to be the bread winner for our family. My father passed away nearly three years ago, my Mom lost her job a year ago. So I guess that explains everything.

I am not complaining about the responsibility I am about to take in. I am afraid and nervous more than ever. I know nothing in the world I am about to step in. I am afraid to fail. I am afraid that I won’t do any better. This is the real world!!! Unlike in school, where I almost pull everything off, I am afraid that I won’t be able to do that once I step out into the real world. I am praying really hard for His guidance. I am hoping I can still continue to achieve great things in the new world. I am hoping I can be the daughter and the sister my family needs and can turn into in times of trouble and happiness. I am hoping only for the BEST to happen. 

For now, my own ambitions and plans have to wait a little bit longer because I have a more significant role to play. A big role actually not just a cameo! And I do hope I’ll get an award for portraying the role that is if I play it with the best of my ability :D

Nakarating ka na ba sa Friendzone?

Photo from Google

Kagabi habang naghuhugas ako ng mga plato, napukaw ang atensyon ko sa isang eksena sa bagong TV Show na Princess and I. Yung eksena kung saan nagpanggap si Kiko (Khalil Ramos) na bading para lang makakuha ng impormasyon na maari niyang gamitin laban kay Gino (Danile Padilla). Kung para saan ang impormasyon at ano ang motibo nya? Eto kwento ko sa’yo! Kung sakaling hindi ka pamilyar sa kwento ng mga bagets na toh, eto silent reader, share ko sa’yo yung plot ng kwento.

Ganito kasi yan, si Kiko at Mikay (Kathryn Bernardo) ay mag best friend! BFF since childhood. Eh kaso, itong si Kiko, nainlove kay Mikay. Tapos etong si Gino naman, umapir sa buhay ni Mikay bilang isang bad boy na mapang-asar. Since nasisira na ang image ni Mikay sa campus nila nang dahil kay Gino, umisip tuloy itong si best friend Kiko ng paraan para makaganti sila kay Bad Boy Gino. To cut the story short,nagpanggap etong si Kiko na bading just to get the information he needs. Well, nagtagumpay naman siya nalaman nyang takot pala si Gino sa palaka, kaya ayon, maigaganti na niya ang best friend niya J

So anong konek nito? Bakit ko kinwento? Simple lang, kagaya ni Kiko, nasa friend zone din kasi ako. Friend zone, yung alam mong hanggang kaibigan ka lang. Kahit na magpa sirko sirko ka sa harapan niya, walang magbabago, mamahalin at pahahalagahan ka niya bilang isang KAIBIGAN LANG :D Habang ikaw, pinagdadasal mo na sa lahat ng santo sa langit na sana eh magising na yang kaibigan mo at marealize niya na hindi ka lang pala kaibigan na pwede ka din palang ka-ibigan! :P Napakahirap mapunta sa FRIEND ZONE. Ito yung tipo ng lugar na ayaw na ayaw mo sanang puntahan, pero kahit anong detour ang gawin ang ending eh don ka din lalagpak. Yung kahit anong control mo sa feelings mo, wala kang magawa kasi at the end of the day yung puso mo kakaiba pa din ang talon kapag parating na si “Friend”.

To make the situation worst, si “Friend” eh may ibang iniirog. Tapos sayo pa nya lahat sinasabi ang feelings nya para kay “other”. Natural, close kayo diba? Normal lang na sayo nya i-share ang feelings niya. Since good listener ka, ini-aabsorb mo lang lahat ng sharings ni “friend”. Taga payo ka din kung minsan, kung ano ba ang dapat niyang gawen. Oh, may mas sasawi pa ba dyan? Heeeep! Hindi ka lang sa lovelife nya concern, isama mo na din dyan ang family problems at advice sa school stuffs na palagi nya ding sinasabi sayo at ikinokunsulta! Hahahahahahay!!! :D

Ako? Ready akong gawin lahat mawala lang ang feelings ko para kay “friend”. Pipilitin ko na bumalik sa genuine friendship lang ang hanap ko at hindi na hihigit pa don. Kung dadating man yung araw na pwede na nya suklian yung more than friends feelings ko sakanya, ready siguro akong i-take yung risk. Pero sa ngayon, ayos na ko na isa ako sa pinagkakatiwalaan nya.Na sa tuwing may bumabagabag sakanya, isa ako sa mga taong nilalapitan nya. Ibig sabihin lang non, mahalaga ang opinion ko sakanya. Siguro nga, maganda na din toh at least okay na okay kame bilang magkaibigan. Baka kasi magkalamat pa kapag ipinilit natin na dalhin sa next level diba?!

Ikaw, anong kwentong Friendzone mo??? J sabaw ba ang post na toh? Pasensya na! Sabaw ang nagsulat tsaka blog ko naman toh :P pero, aminin mo minsan ka na ding dinala ng mapaglaro mong puso sa lugar na kung tawagin ay FRIEND ZONE. Ingat ka, medyo mapanganib dyan at iilan lang ang kilala kong umuwi ng Masaya galling dyan :D 

"Mahirap bang maging Ate?!"

While we're on our way to the convenient store nights ago, my cousin asked me this "Ate Nikki, mahirap ba maging ate?" "Hindi naman" I replied to her confidently. When I was about to take a trip to dreamland, I can't help but thought deeply about the question Korene (my cousin) asked me. Mahirap nga ba maging ate?! I asked myself again. 

Mahirap nga ba?! Well, I get used to the idea that somehow I have to be responsible and giving since I am the eldest kid in the family. I am my Mom's and Dad's first born. I am my Lolo's and Lola's first grand child (maternal side). Growing up, my parents instilled in me that I have to responsible all the time. Because I am the "Ate" I have to look after my younger siblings. When we're in grade school, I am assigned to do some chores. Dish washing is my forte. I can wash tons of plates without resting. Trust me! =) At a young age, they also taught me to be generous with my siblings. Ate should always make "palamang" to her younger sibs. If there's one cookie left in the jar and my sister and I both want it, Ate should give the last cookie to the young one. My parents always remind us not be selfish, especially with each other. My Mom says that no matter what happens we should not bring each other down rather the three of us should always look for each other's welfare. 

On the other hand, being the first grandchild in my mother's side, I bear the same responsibilities. Every time the whole family is around and the yayas are out, I help out with the chores. My usual station is of course the SINK! washing all the used plates. Mind you, we have a big family so imagine the number of plates we all have to wash after each meal. HAHAHA! :P We take turns with the chores, since most of us are teenagers (ehem!!!). Aside from the chores, being the "ate", I have to be objective all the time. Their's first before mine :)

I won't be hypocrite. There are times that I hate having those responsibilities. Well, in our culture, first born should be the responsible one, the role model type and the one who always understands. My Uncle once told me to try to be objective all the time. Understanding each differences can also be tiring. 

Now, I ask myself again, mahirap nga ba maging ate?! Oo mahirap! you're expected to be good at all times. you're expected to be the one who always understand. Mahirap maging Ate! Mahirap man, fulfilling din sa pakiramdam kapag nagagampanan mo ng tama ang role mo as the eldest kid. Wala na naman akong magagawa ako ang ate, what I need to do is make sure that I can be the best example. Mahirap pero fulfilling, yun na :P